To Life
by LilyBartAndTheOthers
Summary: 2010, Jane and Maura make a pact: if they haven't found their significant other within the next 5 years then they will have a child together. 5 years have now passed by so it is time for them to start this singular journey that will give shape to a new ki
1. The Pact

**Author's note: here's the first (rewritten) chapter , daily updates and reviews more than appreciated.**

 _ **Chapter One – The Pact**_

 **August 2010**

"Why the sad face? Shouldn't you be happy? It's your birthday!" Jane had hesitated for long seconds before asking Maura about her current state of mind. It neither matched the context nor her friend's temper. A latent anxiety had finally won over her uncertainty and she had let the words come out in a way she hoped casual enough. "You can sell your presents on Ebay if you don't like them, you know. I won't say it to anyone."

A glass of Champagne in hand, Maura smiled at the suggestion and shook her head. She knew that Jane was simply joking. She didn't have to take her friend's words literally. Not this time.

"Everything is fine. I am not sad but pensive." Alright, and maybe a tad bitter if she were to be completely honest.

All the guests had left but Jane and the Beacon Hill house had plunged back into its usual quietness but for some reason the silence suddenly weighed a lot on Maura. Way too much, actually. It pressed on her shoulders and made her doubt about a thousand things.

She knew that it wasn't time for introspection yet it was exactly what was happening.

"I've known you in happier pensive moments then." Jane turned around and pretended to look for something in the fridge. She didn't fool anyone though. She simply wanted to escape Maura's eyes on her. Her boldness took them both aback. "You're still young if that's what you're thinking of."

" _About_. _Thinking about._ And I know that, thank you." Yet the passing of time was exactly what had kept her mind busy and lost in a fog of doubts for the last minutes now. "Jane?"

Jane turned around – reluctantly enough – and raised her eyebrows as she waited for Maura to resume her talking.

What was going on? The evening had taken an unexpected turn, a very odd one that left her rather confused. The joy and lightness of the celebration were long gone now. The atmosphere had darkened and heavily weighed above their heads; upon their shoulders.

"No..." Maura shook her head and waved an apologetic hand before looking down at the kitchen counter. "Never mind."

"What? Nah, you can't stop now. Obviously there's something you wanna say so... Do it. Speak." Jane's words got no reaction. "C'mon, it's me. You know you can tell me absolutely everything."

The smirk that appeared on Maura's lips only managed to reflect her uncertainty. Jane could see that the words were trapped in her friend's throat, held back inside by her mind. What was so important that Maura didn't dare to speak out loud? Jane swallowed hard as a thousand scenarios rushed to her mind; darker and darker plots.

"It is just a crazy idea. As a matter of fact, I am convinced that it is caused by a general and mostly emotional fatigue. It has been a long day, a long week. Rather stressful. It is nothing that you really need to..."

"Oh, please! Will you just say it? What's going on? You're kinda scaring me." Jane approached her friend desperately trying to ignore the way her hands were now shaking. "You... You're okay, right? I mean you're healthy?"

The question made Maura burst out laughing. She hadn't assumed that her hesitation would push Jane to head into such direction.

"I am not sick! I simply turned thirty-five years old. Please tell me I didn't age that much within twenty-four hours. Do I suddenly look old and sick?" Yet touched by Jane's thought, Maura bit her lips and cupped her friend's cheek with her hand. "I am doing just fine. I am sorry if I scared you. It wasn't my intention at all."

Troubled by the sudden and rather unusual gesture of affection, Jane frowned and felt a burning sensation travel up her cheeks. Great. Why did she have to blush now? The whole scene was getting embarrassing.

"Then tell me what's wrong! Tell me what's going on... Are you going all existential because you turned thirty-five? I've been there before you. Believe me: it's just a number."

"I would say that it is a stage, one that makes me ponder about many things; about life itself, actually." Maura's tone of voice lowered of an octave as timidity wrapped up her mind. She knew the kind of impact her words would have on Jane but was she ready for such a change? "Have you ever thought about having children?"

The question took Jane completely aback. She certainly hadn't expected her friend to come up with such topic. Not now – at almost midnight – while they still had to clean the kitchen after a whole day of birthday celebrations.

"Ahem... Well... Have you?"

Answering a question by another question was extremely coward. Jane knew it but she hadn't found any other way to escape from something a bit too personal; something a bit too delicate.

She and Maura had been friends for a while now and it wasn't the first time that they both alluded to a possible future but they had never given into any kind of detail. They had always remained very blurry instead, wrapped up in a bubble of shyness and doubts.

"Sometimes... And maybe a bit more, tonight." As her nervousness showed in her shaking voice, Maura focused on her hands and tried to calm down her heartbeats.

She couldn't stop now. She couldn't stop halfway through her rather incongruous idea. She had revealed way too much already to not keep on talking.

"Maybe it's the alcohol. We kinda drank a lot today, you know. And it was hot." Jane shook her head, not really convinced by her own words. "It's never a good mix and we're tired too so that might explain the whole thing."

"Would you accept to have a child with me if you and I haven't found our respective significant other within the next five years?"

The silence that followed didn't reassure Maura the slightest bit. She had been way too direct, way too impulsive. Her question was anything but ordinary. She shouldn't have blurted it out like that.

Would she ever be able to properly socialize with anyone instead of sounding like a crazy woman?

"Yes."

...

 _This is when everything started. I looked up at Jane and knew that – at this exact moment – something had happened, something extremely important._

 _Perhaps it wouldn't go any further than a strange yet meaningful midnight pact between the two of us but it had been sealed nonetheless, without the slightest doubt in spite of what it implied._

 _Jane always says that she never hesitated, that the word 'yes' immediately made it to her mind and that the bare lapse of time that separated it from the moment it hit the air got caused by a wave of emotion she had a hard time to handle._

 _Your birth didn't happen before a very long time but you began to exist in our head on that August summer night._

 _She said yes and we turned the page. Immediately. We didn't try to define anything. We had five years to do it anyway. Five long years to prepare the path we had decided to take together._

 _Retrospectively, I think it is a bit crazy and yet I am convinced that it was simply meant to be. You know, the whole thing._

 _This story may be unusual but it is yours nonetheless. It is singular, beautiful and unique. Just the way you are. It got shaped in our head, in our heart. You are the best decision that we have ever taken in our life._

 _"To life"._

 _It would come back like a mantra of some sort all along the journey that led to you. We would repeat it over and over because there was nothing selfish in our decision, nothing like the idea of leaving on Earth a part of us._

 _It was more of a spiritual journey, a very personal experience about existence; about being alive and sharing it with someone. We brought you to this world so you could see how beautiful it was._

 _Some would say we were foolish – naive even – because we had no idea what to expect, what was waiting for us at every single corner. It didn't turn to be as easy as we had assumed that it would be but along the road came you and many, many other things. How could we regret it?_

 _You may wonder why we are telling you about all these things now. I guess it is simply because you have reached a brand new stage of your life and it is time for us to come back on who you are, on why you are here now._

 _And maybe you will finally understand why you make us so proud._

 _Jane and I wouldn't be here without you. We owe you everything, absolutely everything. We owe you our life. By giving one to you, you actually gave us one too._

 _We never hid any of this journey to you but it is now time for us to go further – to go deeper – and to offer you all the details that we might have missed so far. This story is the reason why you are here now, the reason why we can't but smile._

 _So here it goes..._

 _To life._


	2. Platinum Plans

**Author's note: thank you/merci/gracias for all the reviews! The French Open went very well, thank you for asking (now I'm just a bit tired).**

 _ **Chapter Two – Platinum Plans**_

 **August 2015**

"Will you marry me?"

Jane choked on her beer. Maura had taken her completely aback in the weirdest way ever. One more time. She grabbed the little box and was about to study the gem with attention when she realized that the waitress was waiting for their order by her side. Dying of embarrassment, Jane hid the box on her lap and cleared her voice to win some time. This was not the kind of evening she had imagined to live.

"I'll have the cheeseburger, thank you." Jane winced as Maura ordered a salad. She knew what it meant: her friend would eat half of her fries. Once the employee left again, Jane bent over the table and shook her head. "I'm not an expert but a proposal comes at least with a couple of Martini's first, and maybe a movie or two!"

Maura didn't reply immediately. She knew that Jane was joking. She grabbed her glass of wine instead and took a long sip. She had been thinking about this moment all day long. As a matter of fact, every single year the same scenario came back to her head only brighter and brighter. It had ceased to be blurry a very long time ago but a certain wisdom had pushed her to wait until February to make it official to herself.

"It has been five years."

Jane nodded and let a timid smile play on her lips as she retrieved the ring box and started admiring the jewel. She brushed the edge of the diamond with her fingertip. She liked the ring. A lot. It was elegant and discreet. It perfectly matched her temper.

"I know."

They had started talking about their strange pact a couple of weeks after sealing it. The timid allusions of the beginning had turned into a more detailed plan little by little and they perfectly knew what to do from now.

"Do you still want this? Do you still want this wedding?" Maura's voice slightly broke under the emotion and the importance of the moment. Nobody else knew about their plan yet. It was their first step in it. "I won't take it badly if you decide to turn down the offer, you know."

"No! I don't wanna turn down anything. Getting married is the safest way to make sure that this child – our child – will have two parents from a legal point of view. And if something had to happen to one of us... Yeah, I want it. I just hadn't assumed you'd propose to me and that you'd do it on your birthday."

But then Jane hadn't imagined that Maura's birthday would be celebrated at almost midnight at some pub after a very long and busy work day. There was no cake, no presents as Jane hadn't had time to go back home to pick them up. No Champagne either. Just a glass of wine – one of beer – and a few olives as they waited for their rather basic main courses.

It didn't look like a birthday at all.

"It will be easy to remember the date of our engagement!" A nervous yet warm laugh passed Maura's lips. It filled the air in a bewitching way. "I hope that you like it. I know that we hadn't really discussed... This kind of detail... But when I saw this ring... You know."

Jane took the jewel out of the box and slid it on her finger. It fit. Of course, it did. Maura would have never gone shopping without being sure of her ring size. She was way too organized for that.

It fit and made a lot of sense.

"I don't have one for you." Out of the thousand sentences Jane could have made, she had to choose this one. A very clumsy one; cute in its own way but embarrassing enough to make her heavily blush. "I don't even have your birthday presents. Jeez, what kind of wife I'm gonna be?"

"The kind I have always wanted."

Maura took her aback for the second time in a row. Of course this wasn't a declaration of love but it was the sweetest remark Jane had ever received. What were they doing, exactly? Did it make sense? And what would the others think? Their relatives, their friends. Their colleagues. It was a very unusual situation to say the least.

"Do you think we'll be good mothers?" Babysitting TJ was the closest to parenting that they had done so far and as much as the little boy was still alive, Jane knew that there was quite a big difference between looking after a child for a couple of hours and for the rest of his life. "My job's so risky and I'm messy. This isn't very mother material."

"You have a maternal instinct, Jane. You will do just fine. _We_ will do just fine... I couldn't dream of a better co-parent than you. I mean it."

It took Maura a lot to hide her very own apprehension yet the moment the shaking of her hand subdued, she went to squeeze her friend's and flashed her a bright smile, a hopeful one. Jane needed to be reassured. The truth was that she needed it too but her Cartesian mind kept on telling her that it would be alright, that they would do just fine.

"You still can't lie, right?" The question made Maura laugh which somehow comforted Jane. She nodded to nobody but herself. "Good. So here's to us... To life!" She grabbed her glass of beer and raised it to bring a toast.

"To life."

Someone clearing their voice on their right made them turn their head right away. The waitress was back with their respective courses.

"Dessert is on the house, congratulations. Send us a postcard when you leave for your honeymoon. You're the second couple getting engaged, tonight. The wall behind the bar will be full of postcards within the next year at this pace."

The waitress winked at them. She then turned on her heels and disappeared as fast as she had appeared by their table. If Maura seemed rather taken aback by the employee's remark, Jane had fully embraced every single word the woman had said and – with a Cheshire cat smile – she turned to her friend to let her know about her new plan.

"How come I haven't thought about going on a honeymoon? Damn, Maura. We just signed up for a two-week vacation in the sun. Long life to getting married!"

...

 _We announced it the day after. Actually, ma' kind of found out my ring and we had no choice but to let her know about our plan. I still think she knew something more – something Maura and I ignored by then – and that's why she reacted in such a positive way because, let's face it, it was a very strange idea. I don't know many people who decide to marry their friend to become a parent. It's very unusual and a tad crazy._

 _But then you know how your grandmother is: babies, babies, babies. As soon as we told her the whole point was to get her another grandchildren, she was already surfing on Google looking for the best diaper brand and such._

 _It's not that I ever doubted about it but making it official and receiving such positive feedbacks from everyone really made me realize how lucky we were. Nobody mocked us, nobody told us it was wrong. It was singular but they found it cool and everyone gotta be supportive right from the start._

 _I was never in doubt, neither was Maura. When TJ was born, it only made our desire grow stronger. It turned out to be like a wakeup call of some sort. The moment I held him in my arms, I knew that I wanted to have you one day. With Maura. We both dated some guys during this five-year gap but it never worked out. In all honesty, I guess it's because we had already sealed our deal and it was what we really wanted. We never gave a real chance to our dates but then none of them seemed to really deserve it._

 _I sold my apartment three months later and moved in with Maura. As much as we used to spend a lot of time together, it seemed paramount for us to see if we were really made to live with each other. You know how different we can be, cohabitation isn't necessarily easy. But it worked out, right away._

 _I never missed my Back Bay apartment. After many years of loneliness – and even if I had convinced myself that it was what I was made for – it was nice to come back home and have someone there. We weren't a couple and so what? We shared our meals, we watched movies together... We laughed and argued. We led a domestic life._

 _We got married in January. A very intimate ceremony at the courthouse. Maura's parents had insisted on renting the last floor of a downtown hotel though so we celebrated our union out there. We were thirty people, no more. Only relatives and close friends. When I think about it now, I guess it was actually the perfect wedding. Nothing big, nothing stressful._

 _It was more of a symbol, a very strong one._

 _Our plan had come true. Do you see what I mean? For years we had alluded to it but it had remained abstract in spite of us elaborating a rather detailed scheme. The day your mother proposed to me is when we made the first step towards you; the first real one. Of course we still could go backwards but it wasn't our intention. We were excited and looking forward to holding you in our arms._


	3. Lovely Five-Year Gap

**Author's note: thank you very much for all the reviews!**

 _ **Chapter Three – Lovely Five-Year Gap**_

 **January 2016**

"So you got married. Just like that."

It wasn't even a question but a statement, a mere statement. There was nothing mean in it but an ounce of surprise and incomprehension nonetheless rose among the words. Implicitly. Maura started moving uncomfortably on her seat as she felt a wave of uncertainty wrap her up. She hadn't seen Isabella since their college years so they had a lot to catch back on. Her union to Jane being one of them, of course.

"We gave each other five years to find someone..."

Her argument suddenly sounded very weak. The shaking of her voice only emphasized a latent insecurity. It was the first time that someone didn't look ecstatic. Perhaps because Isabella didn't know Jane nor the relation she and Maura had. The others saw them on a daily basis. There was quite a difference.

"But Maura... Just because you haven't found someone within five years doesn't mean that it can't happen once this lapse of time is over. We don't control these things, we don't have a hold over whom we fall in love... It just happens one day and it has very little to do with a five-year gap." Isabella bit her lips. She looked very concerned, almost in pain. "The idea is very sweet thought and I am sure that you and Jane will be excellent parents but... You know... What if one of you happens to meet someone? Does your marriage mean that you have definitely drawn a line under any possible romance now?"

Maura looked down and tried to focus – cowardly enough – on her napkin. Of course she had thought about such possibility, and more than once. But since she hadn't come to any proper conclusion about it, she had simply pushed it in a corner of her mind and had gone on as if nothing had happened. As if such scenario couldn't happen.

Her love life was a disaster and Jane's wasn't any better.

"I am forty years old, Isabella. If it hasn't happened before, I don't see why nor how it would later on. That's life!" Maura grabbed her glass of wine and drowned the ounce of bitterness in her drink. She took a deep breath and forced a smile. "Jane is the best thing that ever happened to me. I am sure that you are going to love her. I mean if she ever makes it here..."

Maura cast a glance at her watch. Jane had sent her a text message to let them know that she was stuck in the Bostonian traffic but it was twenty minutes ago now. What was she doing?

"Have you slept together?"

Isabella's carefree attitude took Maura completely aback to the point that she began to blush. Heavily. Stuttering a semblance of answer that wouldn't properly come out, Maura grabbed her napkin and proceeded to unfold it before folding it again on the table. Her reaction made her classmate burst out laughing.

"Since when such conversation makes you shy? You didn't have any issue to talk about sex when we were in college. Is the Chief Medical Examiner of Massachusetts reluctant to talk about her sexual life?"

Maura let escape a chuckle. She rolled her eyes then shook her head at Isabella. She was glad to share this impromptu dinner with her. Isabella had called her to let her know that she was in Boston for a couple of days and that she would love being able to catch back on. Maura had immediately accepted but since Friday night was usually movie night with Jane, she had invited her to join them at the restaurant.

"We haven't slept together. Jane is not... She isn't attracted by women."

A brief veil of surprise seemed to embrace Isabella's blue eyes. It barely lasted a couple of seconds but Maura nonetheless saw it. Feeling in the obligation to add something, she shrugged and laughed nervously.

Not the best way to reassure a surprised Isabella.

"She doesn't know that you are, does she?" The silence that followed Isabella's question resulted enough for the woman to gasp. "Maura! Why did you remain quiet over it? It didn't use to be an issue..."

"It isn't one. I swear that I am perfectly fine with it. I simply have only dated men since I have started working with the BPD so... You know... I didn't have the occasion to say anything regarding this."

Which was true.

To an extent.

She had tried to let Jane guess a couple of times already but she hadn't found the courage to properly do it. The passing of time only made it harder now. It was too late to reveal something that seemed to mostly belong to her past anyway.

The day she had got married, she had said goodbye to any romantic life whatsoever.

"Well, good thing you're telling me now. I mean before she walks in and sits at our table. Imagine if I had said something regarding it during dinner! Maura..."

"It is okay, Isabella. She wouldn't have taken it badly if you had happened to reveal it. Yet I can assure you that Jane is... No. She is straight. End of the story."

The sharpness of Maura's tone of voice intrigued Isabella. The woman squinted her eyes at her friend and pursed her lips. Something was obviously bothering her. Words were brushing her lips, asking for nothing but a final release.

"Are you..."

The door of the restaurant got opened rather loudly. Jane stormed in and rushed to the table in a whirl of apologies, putting thus an abrupt end to whatever Isabella was about to ask Maura.

"I'm so sorry. The traffic is nuts, tonight. Like... You know, I thought I was gonna rent a helicopter or somethin'. Anyway, you must be Isabella. Nice to meet you. I'm Jane."

"Am I what?" Maura smiled at Jane yet asking her question to Isabella.

The woman observed her for a while – a long one – until a delicate smile played on her lips and she shook her head at her friend. She grabbed her glass of wine and took a sip.

"Nothing, Maura. Never mind."

The answer troubled Maura but she didn't have time to focus much on it as Jane was already asking details about the menu she was now skimming through.

...

 _It was the first time that we had dinner as a married couple with someone who didn't belong to our daily life. It went very well. Jane and Isabella seemed to enjoy each other's presence and I was glad to see a college classmate. I didn't think much about the question Isabella had almost asked me. It is pure cowardice. I was too afraid to imagine what it could be because, deep inside, I probably knew what she had wanted to tell me._

 _I know that your mother says I am brave but this isn't true. Jane lies. I have never been brave when it comes to my inner-self._

 _Some things are too scaring for me to accept them._

 _It must be weird for you to hear about all this because this is not the environment you grew in. You never got to see our colleagues tease us about this strange union. You never heard the jokes they used to make about us._

 _Everything had changed by the time you came to this world._

 _Isabella moved to Costa Rica within the year. We are still in touch even if we haven't had the chance to see each other again. I know that you are going to tell me that I don't stop saying it about absolutely everything but she represents a symbol in our journey because she was the first person out of our close entourage to know about our plans. She was the first person to whom I refer to Jane as my wife – even if by then it was only a matter of legal status – and the first one who dared to raise something very true about our respective romantic lives._

 _We knew that this five-year gap was just a façade. We knew that, just as Isabella had said it, there was still the possibility that we met someone once we were married._

 _But the day we tied the knot, we accepted to renounce to it. And it didn't hurt, it didn't turn to be an issue. Not the slightest bit... Probably because Jane and I were already a couple. We didn't sleep together but we were exclusive to each other, we didn't let anyone else enter our world. We were sufficient to each other._

 _And then, there is the rest; all the things we didn't dare to accept by then._

 _This is exactly what Isabella tried to confront me with. You have no idea how relieved I was to see Jane literally storm in this restaurant and put an end to a conversation that I wasn't ready to have._

 _We came back home quite late that night. I brewed some tea and we kept on talking about life, about our plans. I remember that we had to buy some plants for the patio and that we disagreed on which ones to get._

 _We led such a domestic life!_ _And it sounded so right._

 _I don't believe in fate, all these things. I am a scientist, my whole life is based on facts that science can explain. Yet I have to admit that I can't help but think that meeting Jane was anything but an accident. It was meant to be, just like the rest. Our wedding, you. Us._

 _You and your mother give sense to my life, every single day. I know that I don't say it enough so I would like to take advantage of this moment to let you know that I love you. I love the two of you in such a powerful way that there isn't a single word able to properly express my feelings._

 _Don't tell me it sounds cliché. Please. Don't hide behind this kind of excuse. Not now. I loved you even before you existed, even before I had the chance to see you. I loved you for what you meant, for the way you brought Jane and I together and somehow made of us a single entity. I loved you for all of this._


	4. Media Coverage

**Author's note: thank you very much for all your reviews and messages, I am glad to see you are enjoying this story so far!**

 _ **Chapter Four – Media Coverage**_

Maura always made sure to look neutral whenever she had to give an interview on a crime scene. Many different kinds of people saw her on television – from children to adults – and she didn't want the violence of the scene to show through her attire. That's why she never approached the media without taking her latex gloves off first. She liked the idea of carrying her medical bag with her but she forced a smile she hoped friendly enough to counterbalance the singularity of her job.

Yet on that day of January, the aforesaid smile froze as a journalist took her by surprise and made her little plan fall apart like a house of cards.

"I didn't know that you were a lesbian."

The statement resounded loud and clear, way too clear for the dozen of journalists to mind their own business and pretend that they hadn't overheard the remark. Maura found herself facing a whole row of faces that were now eagerly waiting for her reaction to something nobody on this street ignored.

She hadn't taken the time to check any newspaper. Had one of them published an article about her union to Jane? She knew that they were both somehow followed by journalists but outside of Paddy Doyle, media had never dared to allude to her private life so far.

"You never asked."

Her reply didn't relieve the tension the slightest bit. On the contrary. A couple of journalists seemed to make a subconcious step towards her to make sure that they wouldn't miss anything of whatever was about to happen.

Nobody was filming though. Her official interview was over and all the crews had turned off their devices.

"Indeed." The journalist smiled, not really troubled by Maura's reply. She cast a glance at her assistant then smirked. "Congratulations. Now we understand why you and Jane Rizzoli – I mean Jane Rizzoli-Isles – are such a good duo. We knew you were close but not to that point. This is a rather unusual love story. If the two of you ever feel like giving an interview... Think about us. We'd love to have the exclusivity."

Maura bit the inside of her cheek to hold back a laugh. Something told her that Jane would never accept to do such a thing. Marrying her to be a co-parent was one thing but being interviewed on national television to speak about a sexual orientation that wasn't hers was another story.

"We will think about it, thank you."

A polite smile put an end to the odd conversation and – before any journalist had time to add anything – Maura turned on her heels and walked back to her car. Luckily, Jane was still on the other side of the yellow tape talking to her team.

This was not the kind of conversation she would have enjoyed. She didn't like the media. As a matter of fact, she despised them all with a passion. Maura accepted the cameras, the questions. It came with the job and with the responsibilities she had accepted the day she had become the Chief Medical Examiner of Massachusetts.

...

The words were there – on the edge of coming out – and the more Maura tried to hold them back, the more they burnt on her lips. If she didn't manage to turn the page over the whole thing now, Jane would begin to find her attitude strange to say the least.

They were back home preparing dinner. In theory, the crime scene was far behind. Yes it was a brand new case and chances were that they would talk about it for most of the evening but the journalist's allusion to their private life kept on haunting Maura's mind. She didn't stop casting glances at Jane between two tasks in a silence that was too loud to be honest.

"Have you got... Remarks... Since we got married?" And there she went. Maura ran her tongue over her lips before swallowing hard. "I mean, has anyone told you anything in particular regarding it?"

"Like what? A joke? C'mon, I work with guys. They've always teased me one way or another. They're having a blast with our marriage!" Jane chuckled. She didn't mind the jokes. As a matter of fact, she even liked them. It was the only way her colleagues had found to show her some affection. None of them was mean. "But you already know about that. You even saw it yourself. Why are you asking me that?"

A deep hesitation embraced Maura. She had told Jane way too much to stop now and yet she wasn't sure that her friend would appreciate whatever she was supposed to add. They had never openly alluded to this 'side-effect' of their union as much as it happened to be a very logical one. One more time, they had simply pretended that nothing was there and that life was simply going on as it had always done.

"A journalist told me today that she ignored I engaged in same-sex intercourse."

Jane immediately stopped chopping vegetables. Knife in hand, she turned her head at Maura and opened wide eyes.

"Who? Besides... You don't! We don't sleep together! We aren't... You know." Jane's cheeks began to burn. Heavily. She looked down at the counter to hide herself better behind her dark curls and resumed her chopping. "What did you tell her?"

"Nothing very relevant, I am afraid. But..." Maura took a deep breath. She saw Bass on her left. Bad timing. He would have to wait a little to have dinner. "She made a point though. Two women marry each other, the conclusion only seems natural... Don't you think so?"

Jane shrugged. She perfectly saw where Maura was going and she was right yet Jane couldn't find the proper courage to admit it.

"I s'ppose."

"Does it bother you?" Out of her awkwardness, Maura seemed to have found a new self-confidence. Now that she had started talking, nothing could stop her and she would only put an end to this conversation when she assumed that they couldn't go any further. "Does it bother you that people might think you and I are lesbians?"

Jane cleared her voice but didn't reply immediately. Why did they have to share such thoughts now? She had had a long day at work and wanted nothing but to spend a relaxing evening at home with her friend. She hadn't signed up for existential thoughts. She rolled her eyes and ended up shaking her head.

"It's part of the game, ain't it? So... What I know? Be it."

...

 _Maura never told me who the journalist was. And so what? I would have probably never gone to find that woman to let her know what I thought about her methods as I was way too afraid to be confronted to such topic._

 _It is ridiculous, right? C'mon, do it. Laugh. You probably wonder if I'm not lying now because the person I'm describing doesn't really look like the one you know, the one you've been living with for the past eighteen years._

 _I'm not exhuberant nor anything but I've changed a lot. I've accepted some things._

 _Curiously, it never happened again. I don't know what Maura exactly said to this journalist but it turned out that nobody ever tried to get some more information about us, about our private life. I'm kind of glad it went that way._

 _I'm not ashamed of who we are but it's nobody's business. I don't see why I should talk about my family – about my couple – when I'm on a crime scene. This isn't what I'm paid for. I'm a detective, not a chatty reality tv star of some sort._

 _I don't know if it worked but Maura and I honestly tried to protect you from all this. We always knew that there was a possibility the media would find interest in our family because of our jobs, because of who we are. I hope you never suffered from it._

 _We put an end to the topic that night right after I mumbled that I didn't mind. And it was true, I wasn't lying. I had married a woman. It was fair enough that people came to some conclusions, no matter they weren't true. How could they guess that the only purpose of this marriage – or at least by then – was you? We didn't want to yell it. That would have ruined our chances to have you. Nah. We had to remain as discreet as we could and this is what we did._

 _I'm sure many people assumed that we were a couple, a real one. We worked together, we were best friends... We spent so much time together. We had that symbiotic relationship that only a few can understand. Nobody ever said anything but who knows what they were really thinking? Like, you know... They're together but they're not ready to make it official so they make up that crazy child plan instead. Who knows what people really think about us? But you know what? It's not important. I don't care. What others think of you doesn't have to get an impact on your life._

 _Just be yourself and you'll do just fine._

 _We totally ran away from the topic and focused on the case that night. We worked hard, really hard as if putting so much dedication into our job would be enough to sweep away our doubts. It's a hopeless thought. This kind of stuff never works. It's hard enough to fool people so... Fooling yourself? You can be sure it's gonna be a complete fail._

 _I never said it to Maura but her confession that night kind of haunted me for a while. I lost myself in a game of what-ifs and such. Every single time I wondered about my reaction if the journalist had made the remark to me and not to her. In front of everyone. Would I have been mortified? Would I have found the perfect sarcastic comment to make her stop her insinuations? Would I have lost my temper?_

 _See. That's why I always say that Maura is brave. She doesn't become nuts when confronted to an unexpected yet intimate situation. She remains calm, in control. I admire her for that. If only I could be a tiny bit like her... Life would be so easier!_

 _Maura is the best role model you could hope for in your life. And don't roll your eyes. I know you always do when I say that. I'm right. You couldn't dream of a better mother than Maura._


	5. Accidentally Planned Life

**Author's note: thank you very much for the reviews; to the guest who suggested me to try to change my writing style, I can't do that. I'm sorry. I don't choose the way I write, it's instinctive. Changing it would mean putting aside who I am, my personality. Then everything would become very impersonal.**

 _ **Chapter Five – Accidentally Planned Life**_

"This house is a mess, Jane! You have three days off and this is what happens. Look around you. You made of the living-room a..."

As a matter of fact, Maura didn't even have the word to describe what she was now seeing. She could barely tell where the kitchen counter was as it had disappeared under an impressive pile of clothes and documents of all sorts. The rest of the room wasn't any better. A few glasses had been abandoned on the coffee table while some more pieces of clothing were littering the couch and the armchairs.

"You were supposed to come back tomorrow." Wrong argument and she knew it. She should have remained quiet; one more time. Jane sat further on the couch and nodded at a very angry Maura. "I'm gonna clean, it's okay. Go have a bath and I promise you that when you come back downstairs, the house'll be neat."

It was a lie. Jane would need more than twenty minutes to tidy up and clean the room and yet it was nothing compared to her bedroom.

She had been a bit lazy and so what? It happened to everyone, from time to time. As long as it remained exceptional, Maura had no reason to lose her nerves the way she was doing now.

"I don't want to have a bath! I want to have my house back. You know, the clean one." Yet too tired to keep on arguing, Maura let herself fall on the couch and sighed. "You didn't go out? You spent three days locked inside doing nothing but ordering pizza and watching television."

"I did not!" Jane pretended to be offended. She knew that it always worked out and that – at some point – her drama side made Maura smile. "Someone has to walk out Jo Friday."

Maura rolled her eyes but didn't insist. She grabbed a few documents that Jane had left on the coffee table and skimmed through them. She perfectly knew what they were about.

As a matter of fact, these were the reason why she hadn't slept for days now. Her nervousness had reached a degree that worried her a lot. Her heart would never be able to handle the dose of stress.

"You read them?"

Jane welcomed her friend's lower – calmer – tone of voice with a timid smile. Of course she had read them. She even knew them by heart. She had made a list of pros and contras for each one of them. Her meticulousness would ever impress Maura or scare her to death.

"C'mon. I know you did the same. A seven-hour flight... Don't tell me you spent it watching movies and catching back on your sleep."

Maura didn't say anything. What for anyway? Jane was right. She had spent most of her time reading the description of the different adoption agencies that they had selected prior to her business trip. They had their first meeting with one of them within the next two days. The second part of their plan had never seemed so close.

Time had literally flown by. They had elaborated a very simple yet detailed scheme for their pact: first Jane moved in – then they got married – and a month later, they started the adoption process. They both knew that it could take a while before the whole thing to become concrete so they didn't want to lose time and wait. It was what they wanted anyway. Why wasting time when they could meet a social worker now?

"What if our file is denied?" Maura didn't mean to sound negative but such possibility haunted her mind. "Everything has been working so well until now. What if things change? What if it doesn't work out the way we had it planned? We can't be sure that our file is going to be accepted. As a matter of fact, there is nothing less sure... You have a risky job and mine is... Look at our schedules! It isn't appropriate! What kind of child would be happy with us?"

Jane swallowed hard. In shock. It was the first time that one of them dared to make such remark, to raise such possibility. Until now, it all had been about smiles and talks of a perfect tomorrow as if life were easy and the road not so bumpy. They had tried to fool themselves and their inner anxieties but it hadn't worked out.

What would happen if they were denied the chance to become parents?

"It's gonna be okay. _We_ 're gonna be okay, Maura. We lead more or less balanced lives and we have good jobs. Yes, mine's kinda risky yours is weird but there are plenty of cops who have kids. They have no reason to turn down our file. Absolutely no reason."

Jane bit her lower lip. She wished she had sounded more convincing. She understood Maura's insecurities because she had the exact same ones. It was probably normal. They had chosen adoption because it seemed to fit better, to match their lives and their chances to actually have a child.

Maura was forty and she was forty-one years old. Artificial insemination was an option but the statistics didn't go in their favor and they didn't want to live any kind of disappointment.

Failure was not part of their plan.

"You are right. Yes... You are right." Speaking to nobody but herself, Maura nodded and stood up. She repeated the words over and over like a mantra. "I might actually be in the mood for a bath so if you need me, I will be upstairs. Please feel free to use this spare time to clean your mess."

Jane's snort got interrupted by a loud noise followed by a scream and then another loud noise. She turned around and bent over the couch only to find Maura lying on the floor, on her back.

"You 'kay...?"

The question was nothing but pure rhetoric. As a matter of fact, Jane wasn't even sure that she had done well to ask. Because she knew what had happened. And why. The glare Maura shot her swept away her last ounce of doubt.

"How many times will I have to repeat it, Jane? No. Skateboard. Inside. The. House."

Mumbling apologies, Jane helped Maura to stand up. Thankfully, she didn't seem to be hurt. Only angry, very angry. The skateboard she had accidentally walked over had come to crash silently against the fireplace on the other side of the living-room.

"Go, go have your bath. Something tells me it's really time for me to clean and tidy up the house..."

Jane watched how Maura walked towards the stairs. She had her fists clenched and seemed to murmur words that Jane preferred to not overhear. This was not the best 'welcome back home' party she could throw in for the person she had accepted to marry.

...

 _A black eye. Because of your infamous messy mother, I got a black eye. For our first meeting with an adoption agency, this moment we had been waiting for for so long._

 _The social worker didn't make any remark but she must have wondered why I kept my sunglasses on in her office during all that time._

 _Oh yes, you can laugh. Or shrug. Yes, do that. Shrug. Because this kind of situation isn't foreign to what you have been living for the past eighteen years with us. I know that you only joke when you say it but I agree with you: Jane and I are crazy. In our own way._

 _The only thing I hope is that we never embarrassed you. I mean no more than what was intended, of course. You are brave to not lose your temper – to not throw a fit at us – when you would have all the reasons in the world to do it._

 _Needless to say that we didn't go any further with the first adoption agency. What kind of professionals would open a file for adoption to a woman who refuses to take her sunglasses off on a rainy day of February?_

 _The situation was suspicious._

 _Jane was mortified. She knew that it was her fault and she didn't stop apologizing. She even cooked me quinoa and accepted to renounce to beer for a week. Did she learn her lesson? Not really. Sadly I am afraid that being messy is in her genes. She can't help it... But she makes an effort, once in a while, when she wants to see me genuinely smile._

 _We had a very clinical approach to the adoption process. We had made lists and established very precised criteria. So it didn't turn out to be complicated to find the right one._

 _There was always apprehension over the first appointment because we were so afraid to make a bad impression but I want to say that every single social worker we met was nice and attentive. It went rather smoothly._

 _We simply chose the one that matched our desires the most, the one where we felt at ease and understood. It is a small agency – human size – with a great spirit. You know it as we go there each year to celebrate its anniversary._

 _Sometimes people ask me whether I regret to not have given birth to anyone. They don't question your adoption, their wonders lie deeper. Maybe it even crossed your mind but you never dared to let us know. Well... It might be time for me to answer to you, then._

 _No. I don't regret anything. Adoption was made for us and if we had to go back in time then I can assure you that we would do it all over again without changing the slightest thing._

 _I like the notion of tolerance that comes within the adoption process; the way it emphasizes the real notion of family and love. I was adopted myself, you know that. This is something I have never hidden from you. On the contrary. I immediately felt like sharing it with you. I think this peculiarity links us in some way. In a beautiful way..._

 _So, yes. I don't know what it feels like to give birth, I don't know what it feels like to feel the baby kick inside of you. I don't know what it feels like to have this mysterious connection during the nine months that the pregnancy lasts but I know what it is like to be a mother. I know what it is to love your child the second you hold him or her in your arms. I know about the incredible strength you suddenly seem to have._

 _This sentiment of serenity that wrapped me up the day you were born... It is still here. It has never left me._


	6. Happy Birthday

**Author's note: thank you very much for all the reviews and PMs (sorry for the delay, today; I was busy).**

 _ **Chapter Six – Happy Birthday**_

"I don't know what it is but... It seems like we can't celebrate our respective birthdays in a traditional way, lately."

A timid laugh escaped Maura's lips as she held out a present to Jane. It was late and the lab was quiet. Most of the lights had been turned off and a strange atmosphere seemed to be floating around.

The two of them were on a night shift which meant they couldn't go out and celebrate Jane's birthday properly: no restaurant, no drinks. Just a few reports to work on and the possibility to be called out on a crime scene.

"What is it?"

Maura shrugged. Jane had already got her big – real – birthday present earlier in the morning. She didn't expect to get another one now.

"Open it. You'll see."

It had been a strange day. Maura had been very busy at the morgue and Jane hadn't had time to stop by for a talk. This kind of things happened but not very often and they always left Maura insecure for whatever reason.

So she had been more than glad to see her friend arrive around 11.30pm with two cookies she had stolen from a colleague.

Surprised and excited, Jane unwrapped her extra-present but stopped right away when she understood what it was. Something happened within herself, something that made everything tip over. Her heart began to beat faster but her blood seemed to stop running through her veins creating thus an odd combination that made her feel dizzy.

"You don't like it?" A thousand doubts showed in Maura's question. They rose with strength and embraced them both within a second. "I mean, I can get another color if you want to... I thought it was gender neutral. If you don't like it then I am sure that they have it in another color."

"No!" Jane's vehement reply made her blush. She had literally screamed out her answer. She shook her head in an apologetic way and allowed herself to laugh. "No... I love it. I really do."

"Good." Somehow reassured, Maura smiled back and ran her tongue over her lips. "Do you remember the day you made the remark?"

Jane nodded immediately. How could she forget about this? It had been her first allusion in disguise to their pact. Her wish upon TJ hadn't come true but it would with their very own child soon.

"I will never be able to forget about it... I meant what I said that day just as I mean what I want now. With you... It's a very cute shirt, very meaningful. Thank you very much."

Jane threw herself in Maura's arms without any warning. Gestures of affection were still quite rare between the two of them. They didn't need to kiss, to touch. They could feel alive with a single gaze, even the most brief ones.

"I simply hope that our child will never take badly the fact we compared him or her to an elephant at some point in our life."

Maura's comment made Jane burst out laughing. She grabbed the shirt to properly observe it. The design was simple yet cute: two big elephants were walking together while a smaller one by their side.

The shirt was for a newborn, a very young baby.

"You know what, Maura? You're getting good at making jokes. It took you a while but... Ouch!" Jane winced in pain and rubbed the top of her head, right on the spot that Maura had gently hit. "It's domestic violence..."

The kiss resounded as loud as it was unexpected. It took Jane aback to the point that she remained still, unable to speak. Maura had simply bent over to kiss the top of her head in a vague gesture of apologies but the innocence of her action found a strange echo in Jane's heart. Something troubling, blurry at its best.

"I should... I should go back upstairs." Jane stood up and turned around to make sure that Maura wouldn't see the veil of incomprehension that had darkened her face. Why was she reacting so awkwardly? It was ridiculous. "Ahem... See ya."

Jane literally ran to the elevators and it is only once the door got closed that she allowed herself to breathe again. She still had the shirt in hand.

"We're gonna be elephants."

Her whisper barely passed her lips but the smile that embraced her features reached her eyes and made her sight blurry. Reality wasn't only hitting her now yet Maura's present seemed to have opened the door to something special within her soul; something powerful.

"How's the wife, Rizzoli?"

The question made Jane jump. End of her wonders. She slowly turned her head around and stared at an officer. Donovan was a nice guy, they had worked together when she used to be part of the drug unit. As a matter of fact, they had met at the Academy.

"She's... She's fine. Why?"

The policeman shrugged then took a sip of his coffee.

"Dunno, you look kinda weird. Like... You know, like when we argue or somethin'." But before Jane's silence, Donovan preferred to not insist and raised his hands in the air to apologize. "Never mind."

"We didn't argue..."

Nobody heard her whisper, not even herself. Still somehow troubled by the kiss Maura had planted on top of her head, Jane walked back to her desk and sat there in silence. She stared at her computer screen for long seconds before reacting. Frost was standing further down the room by the coffee machine, in full talk with another colleague.

She approached the keyboard with shaking hands and began to enter some words in the search bar. Within a few seconds, she was lost in an ocean of possibilities that may have the capacity to satisfy and ease her troubled mind.

If only.

"What are you doing?" Frost sat back on his armchair and frowned at the scene of Jane furiously typing on her keyboard. "We got a new case?"

"Looking for stuff about elephants." Jane raised her index finger. "No. Don't ask."

...

 _Now you understand better our elephant obsession when you were a baby. And don't say we're crazy. It could have been a lot worse. What if we had developed some sort of fantasy about the way cows raise their babies? Hmm? See. You've been lucky._

 _Now in a more serious way... I don't know what I remember the most from that night: the shirt or the kiss. You probably think we were really stupid for not understanding a few things regarding ourselves and the kind of relationship we had but I can assure you that we didn't do that on purpose. We weren't in denial. It just didn't cross our mind._

 _You know what I tend to say about ignorance and how it's bad because the so-called bliss that might come from it is just an illusion while you actually own the strength to face reality. Well, maybe there was a bit of it. We were confused. We knew for a fact that we weren't like other people who are friends. We knew that there was something else. But... But it took us a very long time to put words on it and that's just how it is. It took us some time to understand._

 _Sometimes what is evident for one isn't for the other. See what I mean?_

 _Maura's kiss troubled me so much. I hid myself behind this stupid Google search about elephants in the hope that I'd forget the odd range of emotions that her touch had caused me but it didn't work. I just learned how to live with it to the point it started fading away and after a while, I stopped thinking about it._

 _We were going through something very emotional in our respective lives. We had just chosen an adoption agency and our file was ready to be accepted. It meant that a lot of things were going to change, that our whole crazy plan was about to come true and that – at the end of it – would be you. It wasn't the right time to add some more confusion to our singular pact, to our delicate relation._

 _It was never time for it, actually. But it just happened._

 _You probably don't remember this shirt but it was our favorite. I can't believe the wind took it away one day and we lost it. Maura doesn't know anything about it but I tried to find it back on the web, like on Ebay or something. I wanted to surprise her the same way she had surprised me with it on my birthday._

 _Sadly I never got to find another one._

 _We didn't know by then that it would be my last birthday without a child by our side. I don't know how we'd have reacted if we had known. I suppose it would have been even more awkward. Actually, I don't even know how Maura reacted to this kiss. We never talked about it. I was too eager to run away from whatever it had made me feel to come back on it via a proper conversation._

 _Maybe Maura didn't live it the same way I did. Maybe she never questioned it. Maybe she saw her gesture as an innocent one and I'm the one who thought too much about it._

 _Maybe._

 _Yet I can now say that from that day - and no matter how I tried to convince myself of the opposite – it drastically changed the pace of our relationship._


	7. Petunia Is A Name

**Author's note: Thank you very much for all the reviews and messages.**

 _ **Chapter Seven – Petunia Is A Name**_

"She is late."

Maura's voice resounded loud and clear. In control. And extremely angry. It sent a shiver down Jane's spine. Maura was a very nice person and she rarely lost her nerves but she seemed to have the potential to literally explode if pushed too far and that wasn't something that Jane wanted to witness now.

Now or never, as a matter of fact.

"It's 6.01pm, Maura. It's not what I call running late." Jane straightened up on her seat and swept away some invisible dust from her jacket.

She hadn't had the time to change. They had left the BPD in a hurry and she had forgotten her spare bag on her desk. What a complete fail for someone who wanted to look like anything but a cop. It would scare the poor girl, or at least intimidate her. And that wasn't something that Jane wanted to do. She hadn't forgotten Maura's black eye. She couldn't screw it twice in a row.

"But still... Petunia might be carrying our future child. I know that not a single study has proved it yet but what if a lack of punctuality is actually genetic? You know what I think about people who aren't punctual."

Jane rolled her eyes. She knew way too well about that considering that she wasn't very punctual herself.

"Petunia..." Jane chuckled. "What kind of parents dare to choose such name? It's not even a name. Nah. Nobody does that. They probably didn't like their daughter very much to do that. Nobody in his right mind..."

"You don't like it?" Maura genuinely seemed to be surprised by Jane's reaction. She shrugged and grabbed the adoption file to leaf through it for the thousandth time. "I find it cute. It is... Fresh!"

A wave of panic rushed through Jane. Was Maura being serious? The remark wouldn't have bothered her under other circumstances but they were going to raise a child together and their parenthood adventure started with finding a name for the aforesaid child. If Maura liked 'Petunia', Jane would have to fight hard to impose something different. Something very different.

There was no way she would ever accept to name her daughter Petunia Junior. Or Petunio if it was a boy.

"Petunia for God's sake, Maura..."

Thankfully the door of the little cafe opened and a young woman came in reducing to pieces any chance for them to argue now. She looked exactly like the picture that Jane and Maura had got with the file.

Petunia had been the first one to accept to meet them out of the fifteen pregnant women they had selected. As much as Jane and Maura knew that they didn't have to rush into things, they secretly hoped that the first one would be the right one.

If only.

"Hey, nice to meet you. I'm Jane. Please, sit down."

Jane stood up and shook Petunia's hand before motioning her the chair in front of them. She and Maura had sat side by side. Did it look too official? Petunia wasn't going to pass an exam. It was supposed to be a random chat; some sort of first date.

"And you must be Maura. Nice to meet you."

Petunia shook Maura's hand but – much to Jane's surprise – her friend and now wife remained silent. What was going on? She had talked about nothing but this date for the past week and now her excitement was completely gone.

Minus her name, Jane had to admit that Petunia looked like a nice and decent person.

"You're okay...?" Jane bent over to close the distance that separated her from Maura and frowned. "You know you're allowed to speak, right?" Maura vaguely nodded. "Then... Say something!" Jane turned back to Petunia and forced a friendly laugh. "She can be shy."

"Have you ever been to Ireland? It says in your file that you have Irish roots. Have you ever been there?"

Alright. The good thing was that Maura seemed to have found back her capacity to make sentences but her question didn't belong to the list of questions she and Jane had come up with. Who cared if she had ever been to Europe?

It was a detail, a very insignificant one.

"I used to go to Ireland every summer as a child. My grandmother still lives there. Then I became a teen and my parents and I... You know, we didn't get along very much anymore so it stopped." Petunia's smile froze. "Is that a bad thing or a good thing? I mean, the Ireland part. I perfectly know that my teen years weren't the most glorious ones."

"I think my mother knows your grandmother."

Maura's remark took Jane and Petunia completely aback. Things were taking a very unexpected turn if Maura's assumptions happened to be right.

"What makes you think that?" Jane grabbed her diet Coke and took a sip of it.

She knew that Maura could be a little weird at times – especially in a foreign environment – but it was going quite far this time. If she didn't change her attitude, she would scare Petunia.

"My mother has a friend who's grandchild lives in Boston and her name is Petunia. I do appreciate your name a lot – I even said it to Jane before you arrived – but let's face it, it is a rather unusual one. Do your grandmother live in Doolin in County Clare?"

"Yes, she does. Oh my God. That's such a... Funny coincidence! Who's your mother? Maybe I know her. I got your file too yet nothing caught my attention. But then I haven't seen my grandmother for years now and given the circumtances I'm not sure she'd be very happy to see me now."

Petunia didn't add anything. She looked down at her stomach and swallowed hard. She was five-month pregnant. She couldn't hide it anymore now. Maura bit her lower lip and took a deep breath. Then – without any warning – she bent over and grabbed the young woman's hand to squeeze it in a way she hoped to be comforting.

"I am sure that she would be very proud of you, of the decisions you are taking now. There is nothing to be ashamed of, Petunia. Absolutely nothing. There is actually something very mature in your choice. Trust me: I mean what I am saying."

Jane nodded.

"That's true. She can't lie. She gets hives if she does. I married a weirdo. A sweet one though."

...

 _Petunia was twenty-three. Her pregnancy was an accident and even if she had thought about abortion first, she had finally decided to choose adoption instead. An open adoption. Jane and I liked the idea because it was a nice way for our child to be able to put names and faces on his or her roots. I know what it feels like to have absolutely no idea where you are from and it is a devastating emptiness I don't wish anyone to ever face._

 _An open adoption was perfect._

 _I don't know if it is because my mother knew Petunia's grandmother but we hit it off right away. We had planned on staying at this little cafe for an hour but we only left around 8.30pm and the three of us headed to the restaurant._

 _Petunia was a very cheerful person, very optimistic. She never stopped smiling and we could see that she cared about her pregnancy. She didn't smoke, she didn't do drugs. She was a student and wanted to become a journalist. She led a balanced life. Her parents had accepted her decision regarding her pregnancy and they were supportive. In their own way. They thought that she had to assume the consequences of her acts so nobody but her had to take decisions for this child. Nobody but her and her boyfriend._

 _It is a matter of timing. They simply wanted the best for this child and assumed that other people would be able to do it better than them because it was happening too early in their life. The two of them were students. They didn't have a steady job. Yet putting their child for adoption didn't mean that they wanted to draw a line under this stage of their life, therefore the open system they had chosen together._

 _The fact Jane and I were a same-sex couple wasn't an issue either. They were open-minded and liked the fact that we lived in a house in Beacon Hill. Our respective jobs didn't bother them... Everything was perfect. The first one had turned out to be the right one._

 _We didn't meet any other mother. At the end of this first 'date', Petunia – Jane – and I were on the same page. We wanted to do it together. We still had to meet her boyfriend but he seemed to be just as trustful as she was. We were far – so far – from the cliché of the lost girl who gets pregnant and has no plan for her future. Petunia had an education, she was a bright girl._

 _She knew the sex of her baby too. It was a boy. She was due in June. It left us four months to get everything ready._

 _Four months might seem to be a lot of time but when you have been thinking about this moment for the past five years, it is the shortest parenthesis that you will ever face in your life. We had to close our files and make them approve by a jurisdiction. Then – and only then – we could think about details like the nursery room and baby names._

 _It wasn't stressing but overwhelming. Everything seemed to happen so fast, so suddenly. Too perfectly, perhaps. I don't know... When I think about it – retrospectively – way too many what-ifs invade me. I know that I shouldn't focus so much on the past but I can't help it._

 _Maybe it was meant to be. What I know? Jane always says it. Nothing happens by accident. There is always a meaning behind everything even if we don't like it._

 _So... Yes. It is hard to accept the idea but maybe it was meant to be._


	8. Swedish Procrastination

**Author's note: Thank you very much for all your reviews and messages, they are much appreciated.**

 _ **Chapter Eight – Swedish Procrastination**_

She was running late – their guests were about to arrive and she wasn't ready – but she couldn't care less. She had other priorities, some she couldn't escape from. The urge to see it all – one more time – to remember that it wasn't just a dream was stronger than any social obligation.

Wrapped in her bath towel, Maura stepped into the room on her tiptoes and went to sit on one of the multiple cardboard boxes that they hadn't opened yet. She let her eyes wander from one side to another while a smile of satisfaction played on her lips. If she were to be honest then she would admit that the room looked like a post office, a not so tidy one.

Boxes of different shapes and sizes littered the room. They had put them all against a wall at first but had then decided to open a couple of them and before they could realize what was happening, a joyful mess was now reigning all over the place.

"I'm not sure it's the best moment for an Ikea torture. We still have like four months to do it..." Leaned against the door frame – hands in the pockets of her jeans – Jane laughed and rolled her eyes. "I know I'm the one who insisted on going to Ikea but when I see the amount of furniture we're gonna have to assemble... Something tells me I'd have listened to you instead."

They had taken a day off to go to the Swedish store. The adoption papers were ready – everything was settled – so they had assumed that it was now time for them to start buying furniture.

They would go for an ultrasound with Petunia by the end of the week – the first one for them – and the truth was that they couldn't be happier. Everything was falling into place just the way they had imagined.

"No. I actually like the idea of doing something more than writing down a cheque. We do it for our child, for our son... You know what I think about parents who assume that money brings the required parental love."

Jane finally entered the nursery room and went to sit next to Maura. She hadn't missed the way her friend's voice had started shaking, revealing thus an old and deep wound within herself. Maura hadn't said it openly but it was evident that she didn't want to repeat the same mistakes as the ones her adoptive parents had made with her. She loved her parents – she didn't even question that – but she still had a lot of resentment regarding her very own childhood and what her parents had thought to be fair and right.

"You're not gonna be like that. Don't worry... Look how you are with TJ. You're super protective and you don't stop covering him with kisses."

"When you give me a chance to hold him!" Maura turned to Jane and smiled at her. "It is a joke. I am trying hard to be better at this because humor is actually quite important for children. I read something on the matter the other day in a science magazine."

Jane was about to add something when Maura's bath towel caught her attention. The towel had got loose and the cotton fabric had started sliding down her body. Without thinking twice about it, she brought her hand to her friend's chest to make sure that Maura wouldn't find herself naked within the next five seconds.

"Oh!"

Maura froze. She hadn't felt her bath towel getting loose yet she surely could now feel Jane's fingers on top of her breasts.

The gesture had been slightly approximate and if Jane had managed to grab back the towel just on time, her brain hadn't told her to reach for it from another angle.

"You were losing it, Maura." Mortified. Jane was mortified. She didn't dare to move as long as her friend didn't grab back the towel herself yet she could not ignore the hot skin her fingertips were now touching. Hot and smooth, still wet from the shower. "Nobody's supposed to make a strip-tease in a nursery. This is highly inappropriate."

Finally finding some courage to make eye-contact with Maura, Jane looked up and swallowed hard. Maura hadn't moved an inch. She was observing her in the strangest way ever as if lost in an ocean of confusing wonders.

"Is anybody here?"

Angela's voice brought them back to reality. Maura grabbed her towel – stood up – and walked out of the room in a whirl of inaudible apologies.

"Yeah. We're upstairs. I'm comin', ma'."

By the time Jane reached the corridor, Maura had disappeared from her sight. She had probably gone to dress up in her own bedroom. Petunia and her boyfriend were supposed to come over for dinner. They would be there within a minute now. Maura had to hurry up.

Trying to put her odd discomfort aside, Jane went downstairs and forced a smile at her mother. It was the first time that the matriarch would meed Petunia. It was an important day for everyone, one more step towards their child. Their plan had never looked as real as it now was. Within three months and a half now, she and Maura would be mothers.

Jane had a hard time to believe that it was finally happening and that everyone was so supportive. They were living a dream, the sweetest one ever.

"Oh boy. What the hell is this, ma'? " Jane froze the moment she looked up and came to face at least twenty huge presents set down on the couch and on the coffee table. "We told you it wasn't a baby shower! It's just an informal dinner."

"This woman is carrying my grandchild, Jane. Offering her some stuff is the least I could do."

"But this isn't a 'welcome in the family' present. You bought half of Toys R' Us! And what did you buy, besides? We already have most of the stuff we need. Please tell me there's no toddler car in this. Maura doesn't want any."

Jane didn't miss the way her mother snorted. She slowly turned her head to look at her and frowned.

What now? It was an informal dinner yet an important one. There was no point in giving Maura an opportunity to go all wild about kids' toys.

"You are so whipped, Jane. Your wife got you so whipped."

Jane rolled her eyes. She hated it when her mother did that and she knew that she did it on purpose just to go on her nerves a little more than the usual. Angela was good at that, way too good. Jane had sworn to herself that she wouldn't be this kind of mother. No. She would be a cool one, not an Italian mamma bear.

"Maura isn't my wife." The remark made Angela smirk. "Okay, she is. But not... Not really!"

...

 _Nobody – absolutely nobody – gets Jane Rizzoli-Isles whipped. Do you hear me? Absolutely nobody. This is nonsense. I do things because I want to do them, not because Maura would ask me to do them or because I would be too scared of her reaction if I didn't do them. Nope. That's a lie._

 _I went to this indie movie festival because I thought it could be interesting. I went to that spa thing because I'm not getting any younger and taking care of my skin is good for me. I go to the MoMa because it's important to see a bit of art from time to time. It keeps you open-minded about... About plenty of things._

 _I. Am. Not. Whipped._

 _What's so funny about this? Why are you laughing? Ugh. You're not being very considerate, you know. I'm your mother. You should be more respectful._

 _Anyway._

 _Back to your story..._

 _The dinner went very well. My mother loved Petunia right away and Petunia didn't run away the moment she met her so it was just one more sign that comforted Maura and I in our decision._

 _Luckily for everyone, there was no toddler car among the presents but I'm not saying that because I'd be whipped. It's just an extra piece of information for you in case you were wondering._

 _Petunia became part of our family in the most natural way ever. You know, sometimes you meet people in your life and it's like they were meant to be. It just works out. Right away. There's no effort to make, no adaptation whatsoever. You hit it off and it makes you happy. Well, that's what happened with Petunia._

 _We knew we were being lucky. We had read many articles about adoption and how long the process could be. What we were living was almost unfair compared to all these couples who had to fight for years to finally welcome their child under their roof. Maura and I... We simply got married, went to a few adoption agencies and met one girl._

 _Nobody ever made any kind of negative remark, nobody ever tried to drag us down in our project. Alright, Petunia and the adoption agency didn't know that Maura and I weren't really a couple but I don't think it would have changed anything if they had to got to know about it because they trusted us. They saw in us two people who would make great parents._

 _And when I see you now – in one piece and all – I think we kind of did a good job with you. Okay maybe making you ride Bass or introducing you to chemistry at the age of one are not the brightest ideas we ever had but you never broke a bone, you never got super sick._

 _The memories I have of you – the very first ones – are the ones of a happy child. Your laughter filled the house, you constantly smiled. You were a very easy baby and you grew up to be the best kid we could have hoped for._

 _We probably made some mistakes but the thing is... There's no real parenting guide. It's the first thing you learn when you become a mother. You've read ton of books to get ready for this moment but when it's there you reality they have been pointless because it's all about trusting your instinct and being able to adapt to a certain context and to the child's personality. Because we're all different, you know. We're all unique. And what works with one doesn't necessarily turn out to be a success with another one._

 _We did our best and I'm sure you know this. We taught you about love and tolerance which are probably the most important notions in life. Our job is done. You're a wonderful person._

 _As for the Ikea furniture, I'm pretty sure there're still some stuff we haven't assembled yet but... Whatever._


	9. Timothy Rizzoli-Isles

**Author's note: Thank you all for the messages, reviews and suggestions; I see some people start wondering if something bad is going to happen... All I can say is that I will always write a happy ending.**

 _ **Chapter Nine – Timothy Rizzoli-Isles**_

"It's very hot. Don't drink it right now." Jane held out a large mug of tea to Maura and sat down on her friend's bed with all the care in the world to make sure that she wouldn't cause Maura to spill the drink and burn herself. "I followed your recipe. I didn't add anything: no extra sugar, no milk... Nothing."

"Thank you."

Maura tried to sit up but an excruciating pain in her lower back prevented her from doing so. She swallowed hard – took a deep breath – and forced a smile. The last thing she wanted was to scare Jane. Her friend had really panicked the day before when she had been rushed to the ER. As a matter of fact, it had been the first time Maura had seen Jane in such a state and it made her feel guilty.

"Wait. Maybe if I move your pillow... Like that... You'll kinda sit up." Jane immediately put her words in action and helped Maura to settle against the pile of smoothness in her back. "Is it any better?"

Maura nodded and took a sip of her tea. The painkillers made her feel a bit numbed but she actually welcomed the sensation with great relief. At least she now had a chance to somehow be able to sleep at night.

"You didn't have to take a day off for me, you know. Our marriage is just an arrangement."

The silence that followed caused Maura to wonder whether she had done well to implicitly mention the accident.

Perhaps the only thing Jane wanted to avoid at all cost was to allude to the way Maura had slipped on the floor at the morgue and had fallen down rather violently. After all, it brought Jane back to her panic attack in the ambulance.

Maura pursed her lips. She really wasn't good at comforting people when they needed it.

"Look at you. You can barely move. I know the doctors said you didn't break a bone and there's no fracture either but I still think you should get some more x-rays. Maybe they missed something."

"I already got extra ones because you threatened the staff to throw a fit in the waiting room. I am fine. Everything is going to be alright. It was just a very stupid accident. Give me a week and I will be back on my feet."

Jane snorted in disapproval but she didn't add anything. She settled further on the bed instead and crossed her arms on her chest.

She had overreacted the day before and she knew it. It was humiliating. She had completely lost her nerves. What kind of cop was she? She was supposed to be in control, especially when facing an emergency situation. And what had she done instead? She had burst into cries and had clutched to Maura's shirt as if her life depended on it. Needless to say that the medical staff had bought the idea of their so-called marriage right away. A doctor had even told them that they would have to slow down on sex for a while.

Retrospectively, that was another embarrassing moment Jane wouldn't mind to forget.

"Fine. Then I'll take a whole week off. Cavanaugh won't say anything to that. He can't, anyway... We're married, I'm allowed to take these days off. I have plenty of them left and you need someone to take care of you. Maybe I can take advantage of this spare time to assemble baby furniture too."

Maura turned her head on a side to make sure that Jane wouldn't see her and she made a face.

She had witnessed it too many times already: Jane didn't have the patience to assemble furniture. She gave up after three hours of an intense fight with a hammer when she didn't even need one and she left the room in a mess.

"We could also..." Maura let her finger wander on the mug and shrugged. "... Start thinking about names. We have three months left but it is never too early to think about this kind of things. What do you think?"

Something warm started boiling in Jane's stomach. The pleasant sensation rushed through her veins – embraced her heart – and made her smile. She grabbed the ultrasound picture that Maura had set down on her bedside table and observed it for the thousandth time.

Everything was fine.

Their son was healthy - he was growing the way he was supposed to - and Petunia should give birth at the end of June just as it was planned. Jane hadn't said it but she had been moved by the sound of the heartbeats. She couldn't help thinking that her reaction was stupid and cliché but it was exactly how she had lived it. They had got all the pictures from the previous ultrasounds but they had never heard anything until the week before when they had accompanied Petunia to her medical appointment and the sound had added an impressive realistic touch to the whole thing. As a matter of fact, Jane still could hear the heartbeats in her head. Such a sweet melody.

"I hope he'll like sports." Jane's remark made Maura burst out laughing. "I'm not kidding, Maura. Some boys don't like sports... You can't force them to like something."

Yet she would definitely make sure to make him try baseball. He was a Rizzoli, after all. And Rizzoli people were linked to baseball. The Red Sox players were like an extension of the family.

"Timothy."

"What?" Jane swept away her sweet daydreams of baby heartbeats and looked at Maura before widening big dark eyes in obvious disapproval as she suddenly understood what her friend was talking about. "Oh no. No way. My son won't be named Timothy."

"But why? It means 'honored by God'..."

"You're atheist!" Jane sat up and laughed nervously.

She knew that they would argue over their son's name and she also knew that Maura was sadly very good at this game. She had to remain in alert. And strong.

"But your parents are Catholics. You could even call him Tim. Timothy Rizzoli-Isles. Don't you like the sound of it? I do."

"You know what? I'll go buy one these baby names books tomorrow and we'll go through the 700-pages thing together. I'm sure Timothy isn't the only name that sounds good with both our names..." Seeing Maura's mug was empty, Jane grabbed it. "Do you want some more?"

"No, thank you."

Jane squinted her eyes at her friend. She knew Maura way too well to ignore that she had something in head. A plot. It had to be a plot. Probably a Timothy plot.

"Why the smile, Maura?"

"You said it sounded good with both our names." Maura happily shrugged before winking at her friend. "I knew that you would like it. You are just not ready to admit it."

...

 _We shared the same bed, that night. It had happened many times in the past already but it was a first since we had got married. I asked Jane, almost shamefully. I didn't want to be alone and I knew that she felt the same. I had really scared her the day before and we needed each other even more than the usual._

 _I tried to roll on a side to take her in my arms the moment she settled in bed next to me for the night but the pain turned out to be too strong. So she did it instead. She told me to stop moving and without adding the slightest thing, she cuddled against me._

 _That had never happened before. We had always kept a certain distance._

 _I fell asleep to the warmth of her breath embracing my neck and to the odd sensation I was at the right place, with the right person. Of course I kept all these things to myself. It was confusing, and a bit embarrassing too. Jane was my friend. Our relation was awkward enough like that. If I had added this semblance of doubts I was starting to have, it would have made our life even more complicated than what it already was._

 _She stayed with me all week long. Petunia came to visit twice. She brought flowers and organic chocolate that a small grocery store sold by the campus. She was revising for her midterm exams but she still found the time to stop by and talk to me. It was also a nice occasion for Jane and I to see how she and our baby was doing._

 _What an active baby, constantly moving and kicking._

 _Jane bought a baby names book and we spent every single evening arguing over names. For some reason, I really liked the idea of calling him Timothy. It had come up by itself and I found it to be a very sweet name. But Jane kept on saying that it was too old school..._

 _We asked Petunia if she had any preference but she said it was a decision she didn't want to take. She was the birth mother but she didn't want to choose the name. It wasn't her role as he would spend the rest of life with us. I guess I can understand what she meant, how she felt. My adoptive parents – your grandparents – only got to choose my middle name but then the circumstances of my adoption were slightly different._

 _Sadly I didn't manage to keep Jane away from this Ikea furniture and the moment I was finally able to walk again, the nursery had turned into a cemetery of wooden boards and hammers. She had opened most of the cardboard boxes but not a single piece of furniture had been assembled. She will probably tell you that this isn't true or that she didn't have a chance to finish what she had started because I didn't stop asking for help but – between you and me – this is just her way to hide a couple of things. You know how she is._

 _I loved every moment of this stage of our life. There was something exciting and incredibly sweet that made life more bearable. We kept on facing tough situations at work but we had a project outside of it. We had something to clutch to, something to focus on. Together. I remember we laughed a lot and shared endless conversations about the way we saw the future._

 _We were just happy to become mothers._

 _So happy._


	10. Getting To Know You

**Author's note: Thank you very much for all the reviews and messages (I will reply to the PMs tomorrow)/ re-closed/open adoptions: it is written according to Maura's point of view so she's definitely more talking about herself in the end than anything else even if she only says it through halfwords.**

 _ **Chapter Ten – Getting To Know You**_

"May I ask you a question? A personal one?" Petunia looked down at her plate, at the mercy of uncertainty. "I have been thinking about it for a while."

Maura immediately nodded. She was ecstatic. As a matter of fact, she had been ecstatic the moment she had got to know that she would spend the day with her son's birth mother. The bond she shared with Petunia was a precious one and she enjoyed the young woman's presence a lot. Of course they would have never met if it hadn't been for Petunia's pregnancy but Maura saw in the student a lot more than just someone carrying her baby.

Petunia's presence in her life brought something very positive.

"When did you know that you wanted to marry Jane? When did you understand that it was what you wanted? You know, a future together and all."

So much for being ecstatic. A wave of panic insidiously passed underneath Maura's skin to spread its iciness through her veins. How come she hadn't thought that – one day – Petunia would become a bit curious about their so-called couple? It was so logical.

"Ahem..." Maura stared at her glass of water. She should have ordered wine. What a bad idea she had had to not go for alcohol. Wine would have helped. A lot. "You know, Jane and I are... We are not the average couple."

"Because you're two women? Oh, come on! Who cares about that? Or better said, who _should_ care about that? You lead very balanced lives, you are balanced adults. Your sexual orientation is as random as anyone else's in this room."

Maura held back a laugh but felt extremely bad for Petunia. Of course it had little to do with the idea of being married to a woman – she had never seen it as an issue – but her marriage to Jane's was not a romantic one at all. And this was the kind of detail that she didn't want to reveal to the birth mother of her child.

"Five years ago. I knew that I wanted to marry her five years ago. It made sense, a lot of sense actually. It is just about finding the right person – the one who makes you feel so fine – and life seems so easy... Suddenly you don't feel lonely anymore and there is this little something that happens in your heart whenever you see her. Do you see what I mean? Like a pinch of some sort, the softest one ever. Everything is... Jane is an evidence into my life. A pure logic."

The smile that played on Petunia's lips didn't reassure Maura the slightest bit. She absolutely didn't like what she had just said because it was not the way she was supposed to feel. Not with Jane.

Something was happening in spite of her efforts to pretend the exact opposite; something that shouldn't be happening. And she had just blurted it out.

Well done.

"You look very pale. Are you okay? Please tell me you're not that shy. I know you and Jane are very discreet – I've never seen you hold hands nor kiss – so maybe I alluded to something that is none of my business. I'm sorry."

Maura grabbed her glass of water and took a very long sip of it. How come she hadn't thought about all of this? Petunia was highlighting details that she and Jane should have thought about. They didn't look like a couple, did they?

Of course, they never kissed. Of course, they never held hands.

Except it should have been different.

"No, I am fine. Just... Just a bit hot, right now. Temperatures are very high, today. The summer is coming." Maura closed her eyes for a couple of seconds and tried to focus on something relevant to say. "How did your midterm exams go?"

Petunia barely hid a smirk. She vaguely motioned a stack of paper on her left and rolled her eyes. She was a very good student, hard-working. A serious one.

"It went okay. I could have done better if I hadn't felt like peeing every five seconds." She grabbed one of the cookies from her plate and began to chew on it. "I'm a perfectionist. It's not always easy. I hope Timothy – or whatever Jane will accept to call him – will manage to chill out more than I do. It's not cool to never be entirely satisfied of what you do."

"You want to get married, don't you?" Maura bit the inside of her cheek. Why was she bringing back the subject that had made her feel so awkward five seconds earlier? "I am crossing the lines, I am sorry."

"It's okay. Actually, you're kind of right. I mean, it's not in the near future but it's still something I'mt thinking about. I don't know if I'm made for the married life. I want to be a journalist. I want to travel the world and cover conflicts... Wars... I was just wondering if it was an evidence, if it strikes us one day and we suddenly realize it's what we want."

Maura nodded slowly but took her time to reply. The truth was that she didn't have anything to say. She didn't have any advice to give. She hadn't dated Jane. They had got married for administrative purposes. Yet she knew that it was something she would have never done with anyone else.

"I always thought marriage wasn't made for me. I wanted to have children but getting married... Not so much. I had wedding fantasies though but these were just fantasies. I didn't want them to come true. Yet it happened so... Never say never!"

"Do you regret it?"

Petunia's question took her aback. She didn't have half of the young woman's self-confidence at the same age. Petunia would be a terrific journalist. She had what it took to keep her chin up and ask whatever she wanted to ask.

"Not the slightest bit. If there is one person in the world I could get married to, it had to be Jane. This is something I am sure of. And look at us, now. We are leading a sweet life. We are happy."

"And you are going to have a son named Timothy..."

Maura burst out laughing. Petunia seemed to enjoy the way Jane couldn't stand the name. There was something childish in her reaction, something sweet as well. She and Maura loved teasing her with it. Whenever Jane was around, they made sure to address the baby as if his name were officially Timothy. It made Jane cringe.

"We are, indeed."

In less than three months, they would hold him in their arms and would be able to cover him of kisses. And what was a three-month wait in a life? Absolutely nothing.

...

 _There had been the kiss on top of my head – my stupidity with the bath towel – and these nights I had spent in her bed when she had hurt her back. They haunted me in a tantalizing way. So when she let me know about Petunia's remarks about our 'couple', I panicked. I didn't show it though and I still hope to this day that Maura didn't see anything but... But yes, it made me panic because deep inside I knew that something was happening._

 _I wasn't completely aware of my feelings yet – yes, I'm slow, deal with it – but it had become clear that Maura and I had got closer since we had got married._

 _At first I thought it was because of the adoption. We were ecstatic and it couldn't but strengthen the bond that linked us. But then, I realized it had very little to do with the imminent birth of our child. It went beyond that._

 _Sometimes I wonder if it'd have happened even if we hadn't sealed this pact. What if it hadn't? The mere thought it'd have been different freaks me out. The past eighteen years have been the best years of my life. I couldn't even imagine not living them. And it's not just about Maura and I... I mean, you wouldn't be here yourself._

 _We tried to act a bit more like a real couple after Petunia's questions. It was hard because of this incomprehension that was lying in our respective hearts but what an immense satisfaction – a shameful one – to be able to hold Maura's hand, to allow myself to offer her the most sincere smile of all times. It was a dangerous game but we couldn't go backwards anymore. We didn't want to, in the end._

 _Nobody else made any remark about the way we seemed to have got closer. I'm pretty sure now that they just assumed by then that we were officially – not so administratively – together and that we just didn't want to say it. What a strange love story..._

 _As your mother said, there was a lot lof laughter and smiles at the time. We were genuinely happy. But maybe it was also to hide better all these blurry feelings that were becoming too hard to ignore._

 _There was a lot of untold confusion._

 _You remind me of Petunia. You're a perfectionist – I blame Maura for it and I totally assume it which proves, one more time, that I'm not whipped – and a very hard-working student. And you wanna be a journalist. It's weird because we never pushed you towards all this. Actually, we never told you much about her in the first place. Life can be oddly mysterious._

 _All I know is that I hope you felt okay, that you always felt complete. We never tried to hide anything from you. We always told you everything we knew and when you had questions, we did our best to answer to you. Maybe we made some mistakes because every adoption is unique but I sincerely hope Maura and I provided you the comforting environment you wanted to have._

 _And we brought you love. Actually, we'll keep on bringing you some no matter what. This is our main job, now._

 _Also, don't listen to your grandmother. We're absolutely not in a hurry for grandchildren. Take your time. Live your life to the fullest. Maura and I are too young to be grandmas._


	11. We Had A Son Named Timothy

**Author's note: thank you very much for all the reviews and messages, it is pleasure to discuss with it about this story.**

 _ **Chapter Eleven – We Had A Son Named Timothy**_

Jane stepped into Maura's office. She looked on her right – then on her left – and went to lean against her friend's desk. Maura was nowhere to be seen but the usual zen music she listened to had been replaced by Latin songs instead. Rather loudly. Not that her patients would complain obviously.

"Maura? I'm here."

Already annoyed by the high heels she had put on, Jane took them off and grabbed the baby guide set down on Maura's desk. She owned a copy of it herself and made sure to read at least two chapters a day to be ready for the day their son would decide to come to this world. They had two months and half left. The birth would happen way before she even had time to realize it.

No reply from Maura.

Jane shrugged and opened the book to resume her reading. Maura was probably changing in the bathroom. She couldn't attend a charity event in her black scrubs. Even Jane had made an effort and was wearing a cocktail dress, great source of teasing from her colleagues the moment they had seen her in it. Some things would never change.

"I must have forgotten my earrings at home. I can't find them anywhere."

Jane looked up only to face a half-dressed Maura. She hadn't zipped up her dress yet and one of the sleeves had slid down her shoulder revealing thus a few more inches of her porcelain skin. It took Jane long seconds to stop staring at her collarbone and focus back on her hazel eyes instead.

"Which ones?"

"The emeralds." Maura shrugged. A delicate smile seemed to embrace her features. She looked relaxed, not really bothered by the situation either. "It is just fine. I can do without earrings. I left in a hurry, this morning. They are probably on my bedside table."

Jane closed the baby guide book and put it back down on the desk. She straightened up but postponed the moment she would have to wear her stilettos anew. Obviously Maura wasn't ready. Her feet still could enjoy an extra ten minutes of freedom.

"I don't think you took them, indeed. I still can see them on the bedside table near my glass of water."

Maura nodded at Jane's remark but immediately turned her back at her friend.

She and Jane had embraced the habit of sharing the same bed for a while now. It all had started when she had hurt her back but there wasn't a week now without Jane sleeping by her side. It did not necessarily happen every night but the recurrence couldn't be ignored nonetheless and it made Maura a bit uncomfortable to openly talk about it.

Probably because she enjoyed it a lot.

"I should be ready within a few minutes, now. I will be right back."

Maura didn't wait for an eventual reply from Jane and hurried back to her personal bathroom. It was small but she didn't really need more space either at her workplace. Her employees had to share an another one. At least she had a personal one.

"What's going on that your office has turned into some old Havana dancing club?"

Jane's question made her smile. She grabbed her eyeliner and proceeded to apply some with an expert hand.

"I don't know. I am just in the mood for it. It brings sun to the morgue, and happiness. Don't you like it?" Maura giggles. "It makes me feel like dancing."

Jane approached the MP3 player and checked the playlist. She had no idea that Maura liked salsa. Until now, her friend had mostly listened to classical music at home. And a bit of rock now that Jane had moved in. Just because they had got married didn't mean that Jane had to renounce to her very own favorite bands. If she had to bear Yo-Yo Ma then Maura had to bear Nirvana.

"It's surely less boring than your usual Tibethan thing."

"And you can dance to it." Maura walked back into the room with a mischievous smile playing on her lips. She winked at Jane before closing the distance that separated them. "Show me your skills."

Jane's nervous laugh hit the air. Had Maura started drinking without waiting for her first? They were happy – they were in a good mood – but not to the point of dancing in the middle of a morgue. Life was treating them good and they had embraced the idea but Jane would need a lot more than that to actually accept to dance salsa in Maura's office.

"I can't. I'm wearing a cocktail dress."

That had to be one of the poorest arguments Jane had ever come up with but then Maura had completely taken her aback. She had come downstairs at 6.30pm – just as planned – to pick her friend up. Maura wanted them to attend some charity event downtown Boston and since they were married, Jane had assumed that it was the kind of social events that she couldn't skip. Besides, Maura had assured her that there would be food. Free food.

"Oh... Come on! I knew you braver, Jane."

And without any warning, Maura went to grab her friend by the waist to force her into a dance. She didn't hesitate to mold her body against Jane's before closing her eyes and abandoning herself to the sensual pace of their moves.

"What on Earth..." Jane burst out laughing. The evening was taking a rather unexpected turn, a delicate one if she paid attention to the sensations Maura's closeness stirred up in her very own body. "We're gonna be late." The lack of desire to stop it showed in her voice.

Maura's main line phone rang. She let go of Jane in a whirl of giggles and went to pick up the device. She hadn't left yet, after all. She had to take the call even if she would not go on any scene.

She wasn't on a night shift.

"You're not a bad dancer, Jane. We should definitely take some classes. I will check this online tomorrow." Phone in hand, Maura winked at her friend and cleared her voice before addressing her interlocutor. "Dr. Isles-Rizzoli..."

...

 _You know people say that our brain has the capacity to shut down to make us forget some tragic memories? I still wonder why mine didn't do that._

 _I still wonder why I remember this evening in detail as if it had happened yesterday. It haunts me. It still does. It's just I got used to the nightmares and I made them mine with the passing of time but the truth is that nothing has changed. Not really._

 _I remember how Maura's smile froze and disappeared, swallowed by a layer of an icy silence. I immediately understood that something was going on but I had no idea why. It could be anything, anyone. She whispered words – inaudible ones – and hang up like a robot. Then she remained still, unable to move or speak._

 _Seven months and a half. You'd think that – at this stage – everything's gonna be alright, that you discarded all the main risks. But you simply happened to forget that it's not how life works at times, that some risks never disappear._

 _The doctor who welcomed us at the hospital looked way too young to know what he was talking about. I know it's stupid but deep inside I was just hoping that he was wrong, that he wasn't addressing the right people... That he was alluding to... To another family._

 _They all died at the scene: the taxi driver, Leo – Petunia's boyfriend – Petunia and Timothy. There was a truck... It was too heavy... It crushed down the taxi on a curve._

 _I hate myself because that's what it took for me to accept to name our son Timothy. I'd been awful all along with this – mocking Maura and Petunia when they kept on saying it was pretty – and all of a sudden our son was taken away from us in the most violent way ever. And Petunia. And Leo. We lost more than a child, that night._

 _It's our whole life that fell apart._

 _I still remember the smell of the hospital corridors and the shock in Maura's eyes. You'd think she's used to all of this but she isn't. No more than me, no more than anyone else._

 _She was livid and could barely talk. I kept on stuttering words that didn't make any sense. I was convinced that this was just a nightmare and I would wake up soon, relieved to see that the sky was still blue and that everyone was alright._

 _Petunia's parents were already there. It was the first time we got to meet them. This isn't a freaking context. Nobody should have to meet in such circumstances. Nobody should ever had to go through this._

 _We came back home around 5.30 am. I have no idea why we stayed for so long at the hospital. We didn't have to sign anything, we weren't Petunia's parents._

 _I suppose we didn't dare to move away from the whole thing because the silence of the house would resound too harshly. And all the rest..._ _There were baby things everywhere, in every single room._

 _What a cruel way to remind us that it was all over._

 _I refused to see the bodies. I honestly don't know if I should regret it. Maura said it was a beautiful baby. Why should I care? He had stopped breathing. I guess I prefer to live on the idea I had made myself of him._

 _We had a son named Timothy. And a beautiful, wonderful birth mother. Just because we never got to see him smile – just because we never got to take him in our arms – doesn't mean that he didn't exist. He did. I can assure you he did._

 _Or else talking about him now wouldn't hurt so badly._


	12. The Strange Sentiment Of Being Alive

**Author's note: thank you very much for all the messages and reviews; I apologize for the broken hearts as well. I hope I will be able to repair them all soon.**

 _ **Chapter Twelve – The Strange Sentiment Of Being Alive**_

Maura entered first but she didn't wait for Jane in the lobby. She took her stilettos off and walked barefoot to the kitchen straight away. There was something comforting about this area of the house. It brought her an ounce of peace that her mind desperately needed. She opened the frigde and grabbed some leftovers out of it. She wasn't in the mood to cook anything.

"What are you doing?"

Jane's low voice rose in her back. Maura barely cast a glance at her friend and proceeded to transfer the food into a dish before putting it in the oven. Her gestures were mechanical.

"You need to eat something."

She didn't quite understand why she sounded so calm. Her tone of voice didn't match the storm of feelings that was taking place inside of her body. The contrast was an odd, confusing one. She didn't know what to think about it.

But then she didn't know why life had decided to playing tricks them either. Everything was so confusing.

"I'm not hungry."

Jane's reply didn't surprise her the slightest bit. Yet she absolutely didn't listen to the plea in disguise. She grabbed two glasses instead and filled them with fresh water.

She was too afraid of being excessive if she ever drank alcohol. Drowning their sorrow in wine was too tempting right now.

"You still have to eat something. You haven't eaten anything today."

She forced a smile – a warm one – then cast a brief glance at the living-room. Perhaps they should have left people come over. They had simply assumed that – after the funerals – they would need quietness and not a crowd dressed in black that would remind them every single second that they were going throught a nightmare.

Jane didn't insist. What for? The last thing she wanted was to argue with Maura. She wouldn't be able to handle it. They needed to remain strong and the only way to succeed was to be each other's support.

"You can go change if you want to." Maura looked at Jane. She was wearing a black dress – a rather elegant one – and hadn't taken her high heels off yet. "You can put on more comfortable clothes."

But Jane shook her head and pursed her lips. She had only managed to take off her sunglasses. As a matter of fact, she had even forgotten them in the car. A pair of jeans would have probably been better but the truth was that she saw in her dress some sort of a shield. The fabric embraced her skin – her whole body – in a protective way. She needed it.

"It was a nice ceremony."

Maura nodded – cleared her voice – but didn't offer Jane a reply. She admired her friend for being able to already speak about it.

Jane was right though. Petunia and Leo's respective parents had organized a beautiful, heartbreaking ceremony. Jane and Maura had insisted on putting a stone for Timothy next to them at the cemetery.

Everyone had come, even the social worker of the adoption agency as well as the director of the center. Jane and Maura had appreciated it. As a matter of fact, they had appreciated everyone's words and gestures of affection.

They just hadn't been able to express their gratitude properly.

"I want to go to bed."

It was barely 5.30 pm but Maura couldn't care less. She felt immensely tired, at an emotional level. She turned off the oven and grabbed her glass of water before leaving the kitchen.

"I thought you wanted to eat something."

Jane's words caused her to stop by the couch. She looked down at her bare feet and took a deep breath. The hardwood floor was warm. The sun had slid on it all day long. It hadn't even rained.

Since when a big blue sky looked after funerals?

"There are so many things I want to do."

Her voice broke and within a second Maura found herself in Jane's arms. The embrace was comforting and terribly needed. It didn't soothe her pain though. Tears were running down her cheeks before dying against Jane's dress.

Maura hadn't bothered to take her sunglasses off. As a matter of fact, she hadn't found the courage to do it. Not just yet. She wasn't ready to face the warm colors of the world. She wanted to see it black. She wanted it to match her state of mind.

"C'mon, let's go upstairs."

Maura nodded and let Jane take her to her bedroom. They both settled in bed – in silence – and welcomed the heat of the blanket with a barely contained relief.

The heat of their bodies as well.

Their legs were intertwined, their faces molded in each other's neck. All they wanted was to feel the breath of life emanate from their souls and pass underneath each other's skin to remain there for the eternity. Once there, they would feed themselves of each other's energy and they would be strengthened for the rest of their life.

Strenghtened for the eternity.

Maura's sobs sudbdued. Her tears vanished – absorbed by the heat of her skin – and she lost herself in the contemplation of Jane's neck.

It was just there, a couple of inches away from her eyes. Against her lips. Soft, warm.

She didn't overthink it. As a matter of fact and for the first time in her life, Maura trusted her instinct. She didn't ponder anything, she didn't weigh the pros and contras. She just went for it because something deep inside her heart told her to do it.

A slight move. One that almost passed unnoticed. Her lips brushed Jane's neck with delicacy before tracing a path of kisses up her jaw, up her cheek. She sat up on her elbows and slid a hand on her friend's stomach.

The look they exchanged turned out to be furtive before Maura to bend over and capture Jane's lips in a urging kiss.

...

 _People might think that we were making a mistake but I disagree. It turned out to be the best moment for us. We weren't trying to escape what had just happened – we were mourning the loss of a part of our family – but we had also understood through it that life was fragile and that there was no time to waste in wonders and what-ifs._

 _It made us feel alive, terribly alive._

 _And it was exactly what we needed._

 _We didn't go on a date. There was not a single bouquet of flowers, no timid smile either. But then we had known each other for almost seven years. We didn't need any of this. The rules were different for us. We already knew each other by heart. What happened that day – that night – turned out to be the logical evolution of the blossom of our hearts._

 _I didn't question anything. What for? Jane's arms and kisses were comforting. I was where I wanted to be, with the only person who would ever understand me. She was the one. I was convinced of it._

 _Look at us. Nothing has changed. We are still together. What can I say? It just made sense. As a matter of fact, it had made sense for a while but we were only accepting it now. A tragedy remains a tragedy and this is what we got to face. Yet thanks to it, we dared to embrace these feelings we hadn't had the courage to accept until then._

 _We didn't talk about it right away. No. It took us a little while to somewhat analyze what had happened that day but we could live without any explanation because everything seemed to belong to the clearest logic ever. We had fallen in love. I don't know when it exactly happened – I don't have a specific date to give you – but we accepted it the day of the funeral._

 _Maybe there is a symbol behind all of this, and how life and death are so closely linked to each other. You can't separate both notions. They have an impact on each other._

 _I suppose that this is what happened to us._

 _We don't regret the way it happened. I think that we were both ready for it and this is all what matters. It came up like a urge, a sudden one. As if we had repressed something for years and that this strength was finally winning over our minds._

 _Did it help us to overcome the loss of Petunia, Leo and Timothy? I honestly wouldn't be able to tell. It still hurts a lot to talk about them and it will probably always do... But it is easier to face tough moments when you have someone by your side, someone who holds your hand and covers you in kisses in the most perfect silence. With such serenity._

 _People had passed away but we were alive, desperately alive; eager to feed ourselves of the exhilaration of our feelings and this unique bond that linked us._

 _It was so good to find relief in our embraces, in smiles engraved on our skins. The sentiment of being alive is such a powerful one._

 _Never forget about it._


	13. A Brand New Beginning

**Author's note: thank you very much for your reviews and messages!**

 _ **Chapter Thirteen – A Brand New Beginning**_

She had no reason whatsoever to be here. As a matter of fact, she had taken a week off after the tragedy. Just like Jane. It was the first time that she walked back into her office since that day when she had picked up the phone and that everything had fallen apart.

Nothing had changed: the furniture were still the same, her computer was still there as well. But the atmosphere was heavy, oppressive. Maura bit her lower lip to repress a wave of nausea. She wasn't ready to come back here.

She grabbed a couple of files and rushed out of the room. She didn't know where to go though. Everything was too confusing. Why had she done that? Why had she slept with Jane? Their lives were complicated enough like that right now. Yet she absolutely didn't regret what had happened. Deep inside, she couldn't feel more complete.

There were simply too many untold things about it. It brought up an awkwardness that she wasn't ready to handle.

Yes, she had run away. And so what? She kept on saying it: she wasn't perfect. People always expected from her to be wise and to take the right decisions at the right time but it was not how she worked out. Sometimes she made mistakes. Sometimes she rushed into things.

Sometimes she didn't make the right choices.

She was just another human being. A coward one who had run away before Jane to wake up after the night they had spent together.

She had never been good at facing the infamous morning after. Perhaps that was even the reason why she had ended up preferring one-night stands to steady relationships after a while. It was easier to handle, a lot easier. There was no expectation outside a pure – almost mechanical – satisfaction. No need to talk, to express intimidating feelings. One-night stands were bare, simple.

Her high heels resounded loudly on the floor. Where was everyone? She had showed up early but the morgue was never empty yet she still had to come across a colleague. Not that she really wanted to. She knew that it would be awkward for the two of them. She didn't want to face another sympathy speech.

The elevators were just at the end of the corridor. She could see them now. Yet something stopped her right away. The windows of the autopsy room on her right caught her attention. She turned her head around and stared at the room in silence.

It was empty but the lights had been turned on. Her eyes stared at the metallic tables. There hadn't been any autopsy for Petunia and Leo. Their parents hadn't asked for one and the police in charge of the case had come to the conclusion that they didn't need one. Yet it could have happened. The corpses could have landed here – just in front of her eyes – in this room that she knew like the bottom of her heart. It was part of her daily life, part of her identity; of who she was.

A wave of warmth embraced her body and tightened its grip on her throat. Her breath turned rough. She swallowed hard but the lump wouldn't go. She was lacking air. Her vision turned blurry and she felt the ground vanish under her feet. Before she had a chance to realize what was happening, Maura was sitting on the floor trying desperately to catch her breath.

"Dr. Isles-Rizzoli...?"

Maura looked up. Susie Chang was standing next to her, a few files in her hands.

...

Maura could postpone it as much as she wanted, she would still have to come back home at some point. Sharing a coffee with Susie didn't change the outcome she was fearing. What if Jane had left? What if Jane had taken her absence in the morning for a sign that she needed to go away? What if she had freaked out because of what they had done?

The possibility of a thousand scenarios was twirling in Maura's head the moment she opened the door of her house and walked in. A confusing silence welcomed her. Was Jane still around? She stepped in the lobby and cast a look at the living-room. There was nobody to be seen. The door of the patio was opened though.

She carefully set down the medical files she had taken with her on her desk and walked towards Bass. The tortoise had stopped by the patio door and seemed to observe whatever was going on there. Jo Friday barked happily and trotted towards Maura the moment she appeared by the door frame. The dog's reaction caused Jane to turn around.

"Oh." Sitting on the floor, she vaguely waved a hand at Maura before motioning the plants around her. "It's a beautiful day, perfect for some gardening."

Maura nodded but didn't say anything. She had to admit that it wasn't how she had imagined their morning after to be. But who was to blame? If she hadn't run away, things would probably not be the same. She took her stilettos off and approached Jane.

"May I help you?"

The request seemed to be carried by a delicate timidity, a sweet awkwardness. There was nothing sharp, nothing as terrible as what Maura had imagined so far. Jane winced and pondered the idea.

"I don't know... Something tells me you're gonna ruin everything."

Maura gasped – clenched her fists – and immediately settled on the floor next to Jane. Her ego had been bruised. Slightly. She knew that Jane was joking but it was better to play along. It was reassuring.

"Who do you think you are? I am the one who insisted on buying all these plants and flowers. You didn't see anything rewarding in the idea of gardening!"

Jane smiled. There was something satisfying in the idea of realizing that nothing had really changed. They were still the same people, leading the same life. They were still themselves: Jane and Maura.

"I'm glad you're back."

Maura felt a wave of heat rushed up her cheeks. She owed Jane apologies for her behavior. Nobody wanted to wake up alone in bed after spending the night in someone's arms. But her words stayed trapped in her throat the moment Jane pushed away a strand of hair from her face before planting a soft kiss on her lips.

"I don't need to know."

...

 _I can't tell you I didn't freak when I woke up and realized that your dear mother was gone but... I don't know. I guess I understood she needed some time for herself. And it's okay. Something had happened, something important. Maybe it didn't change who we were but it still caused a shift in the kind of relation we had. I knew she would come back. I know Maura. You can be sure that if she runs away, she'll do it with a dozen of suitcases in the trunk of her car._

 _And she didn't take anything with her that day._

 _Yeah. I checked her closet. Just in case._

 _I didn't question our new degree of intimacy because it sounded right and natural. Actually, it was the first time I felt like that with someone. I can't say I have the best romantic background you'll ever find around but Maura definitely made all the rest worth it._

 _We did some more gardening before having lunch. We went for a walk in the afternoon and spent the evening on the beach. We hadn't turned the page over the funerals – we would never do that – but the world hadn't stopped turning and we couldn't remain there observing it going on without us taking part in it. Maybe there was something bitter in all this brand new sweetness that wrapped us up but I gotta say that it helped me. It helped me a lot to accept what had happened within the week. It was exactly what I needed... Maura and I, this was the only thing that could save me._

 _And it did._

 _We didn't do much during that week off. We explored this new side of our relationship without putting words on it. I guess we weren't ready to talk about it. We just wanted to live it, to see what it could bring us. Everyone got so respectful too. Nobody turned out to be intrusive. Ma' stopped by a couple of times but only for a few minutes._

 _I suppose she had understood we needed to be alone for a while, that we'd be okay as long as we were together._

 _I didn't go into the nursery room though. I passed the door every day but made sure to not look at it. Maura spent a lot of time there. She said she needed it. Why not... We all have our own way to deal with sorrow after all._

 _We spent a lot of time outside. The summer was coming: blue skies, warm temps. We just walked around, hand in hand._

 _We had time to think about all the rest. Did we still want a child? Had we drawn a line under our adoption plan? Would we look for another adoption agency? Unless we wanted to go for an artificial insemination... All of this was waiting for us at some point but we didn't want to think about it just right now. We took each day as it came and went with the flow. It's something peaceful to do._

 _I never got to sleep in another bedroom than Maura's. Fair to say it's mine too, now! It's been almost nineteen years..._

 _I have sweet memories of this week. The circumstances were harsh but we could face them without fearing them. I don't know, it's kinda weird. I guess we'd found in each other the strength we needed to go on. And the sweetness that comes within a relationship._

 _It was just the beginning._

 _A brand new beginning._


	14. Secretly Fine

**Author's note: thank you very much for all the reviews and messages, it's a pleasure to read and answer them.**

 _ **Chapter Fourteen - Secretly Fine**_

"It's a good idea to go away for the weekend. Make sure to leave before rush hour or you'll get stuck in traffic. Oh, and call me when you make it there."

Jane looked up from the dozen of bags that littered the living-room floor and made a face at her mother's comment. Seriously? She had to call her? Angela noticed her daughter's annoyance and shrugged.

"What? I just wanna know that you made it there safe, Janie. It's not a crime. I'm not asking you to call me night and day. I know you and Maura need some time for yourselves. I'm not stupid."

Jane swallowed hard. Something told her that her mother was not alluding to the loss of Petunia and their child. She could see it in her eyes, in the way Angela tried to bring up a warm and friendly smile. She took a few seconds to ponder the idea and finally nodded at her mother.

"I'll call you when we have checked in and all, okay? Or I'll send you a text message, and a picture." Jane checked her watch. Her mother was right about the traffic though. "Maura? Are you ready? Where the hell are you?"

Provincetown was not very far but half of Boston drove there for the weekend and Jane was not in the mood to spend three hours stuck in traffic. Three hours of Yo-Yo Ma, besides. She would be the one choosing the music when they came back which means today Maura was in charge of the playlist.

A stifled noise rose from the first floor. Jane and her mother immediately looked up at the ceiling and frowned. What was going on?

"I am coming!" Maura's cheerful voice came from the stairs soon followed by a huge sound very similar to the one Jane and Angela had just heard. "I think I am ready. We can leave."

Her curiosity piqued, Jane walked towards the lobby but stopped right away as soon as she saw Maura standing there. Angela followed her and burst out laughing. Maura pouted, taken aback by Jane's mother's reaction.

"You don't like my hat?"

Jane cleared her voice to win some time. Such an old subterfuge but it sill worked out. She approached Maura and motioned the object she was holding.

"We're not going to Hawaii, you know that?"

Maura forced a smile only to hide better her sudden lack of self-confidence. Alright, perhaps she had been a tad excessive with the online shopping when she had booked their weekend in Provincetown but Hawaii was not the only spot in the USA where they could go surfing.

"It is one of the best surfboards that you will find on the market. I don't see what is wrong about it. I chose the turquoise model because... Because the color is a nice reminiscence of the summer. This is a 9"..."

Angela's laugh vanished as soon as her daughter stared at her, asking her implicitly to remain as serious as she could. Jane took a deep breath and cut off Maura right away.

"And I like it very much, Maura. It's just that ahem... It is kinda big for your Prius. Besides, I didn't know you actually liked surfing...?"

"I have never tried. I simply assumed that our getaway by the sea was a nice occasion to actually take a few lessons."

Of course Jane knew that they would leave with the surfboard at this exact moment because the disappointment in Maura's voice – a very genuine one – was impossible to handle. It had been three weeks since the funeral now and they were barely beginning to enjoy the sweetness of life again. Going away for a couple of days was the best thing they had come up to lately.

And a subtle approach to a well needed freedom for their couple too.

They hadn't said anything to anyone about the shift in their relationship. Remarks here and there let Jane assume that people had understood but nobody had put words on anything yet. After the tragedy they had gone through, they deserved a moment of peace. It was too soon to make it official already.

"You should buy a Lexus, you know. I mean look at the amount of bags you wanna take with you... And the surfboard. We're not leaving for three weeks, Maura! It's a forty-eight-hour kind of thing."

Twenty minutes later, they said goodbye to Angela with a packed Prius and a surfboard on top of it. They hadn't left Beacon Hill that Jane was already complaining about the music and a sudden need of caffeine but Maura couldn't care less. She was happy. For the very first time in a long while, she properly enjoyed the sun – the perspective of spending two days by the sea with Jane – and the lightness that embraced her heart. She was at the right place with the right person.

This was her definition of happiness.

"Ma' knows for us." Jane closed the novel she couldn't focus on and looked at the streets speeding past in front of her. "I'm sure she does. Her little insinuations... She knows, Maura. She knows for us."

The remark didn't seem to trouble Maura the slightest bit. She had got used to it, as a matter of fact. Jane had started talking about it for a few days now. She was convinced that every single person they knew had guessed for them.

"Your paranoia starts worrying me. First you assumed that Barry knew because he mentioned the Boston Pride – which is a tad cliché, I am sorry to say it, and he was actually talking about his own mother – then you thought Tommy knew because he called our getaway a 'girls only weekend' – when it is exactly what it is – and now your mother? What did she say, exactly?"

"That we needed to be alone. I swear it's not paranoia, Maura. It's... What I know? I can sense it. Maybe you don't trust your instinct but I do and what I can feel now is not pretty." Jane snorted and grabbed a fashion magazine that Maura had taken with her. She began to leaf through it. "They all know and I'm sure they secretly make fun of us because they think we don't know they know."

The skyline of Boston began to fade away in their back. Maura cast a last glance at it in the rearview mirror and bit her lips. It was the first time that they left Boston since they had got married. It was the first time that they actually went on a getaway as a couple.

The first time they took some distance with the last few weeks.

"Let's just relax, Jane, okay? Let's just enjoy this weekend. Don't overthink too much..."

...

 _It was very cliché. Choosing Provincetown for our first getaway as a couple was very cliché but it wasn't intentional. We were simply looking for a small town that wasn't too far from Boston. We needed some fresh air, some distance with our daily lives. It turned out to be perfect. Exactly what we needed in the end._

 _I will spare you the details because I know that this isn't something children are eager to know but we never left the hotel soon in the morning while we certainly didn't oversleep either. There was something very liberating in the idea of being in a town where nobody knew us. We could be ourselves, this strange little entity we had become after the funeral. A couple. We were a couple. A brand new one._

 _As sweet as one can be._

 _We walked hand in hand, we shared furtive kisses on the beach. We allowed ourselves to enjoy all these little details that we restrained in Boston. As much as Jane was convinced that most of our friends – relatives – and colleagues had guessed for us, there hadn't been any official announcement made about it so we kept a low profile at work and whenever we happened to spend some time with a third party._

 _I also think that I saw this getaway to Provincetown as a test for us. I never had doubts about our couple. I knew right from the beginning that it was what we wanted. But... Sometimes things look different from another perspective, from another place that doesn't belong to your daily routine._

 _It didn't happen during this weekend. We remained whatever we had become, whatever the past events had made of us. We remained true to ourselves and true to each other._

 _There were no promises of a better tomorrow. I am sure that Jane would distort the story one way or another if she were the one to tell you about it because she loves exaggerating but it still was romantic. In its own way. Our way._

 _We came back home relaxed and full of energy. The wounds on our hearts didn't hurt as much as they had in the past. I guess the healing process had been sped up by our new intimacy. Maybe we become a couple for a matter of survival... It may sound odd but who knows...? Of course there are feelings involved – true love feelings – but perhaps we instinctively went for each other at this exact moment of our lives because we had understood that it would save us. Somehow._

 _Life took us back in its whirl, almost insolently. The sun was shining anew, the summer was coming. Everything looked bright. The clouds had vanished away. Was the storm gone forever? None of us was able to say. We just hoped._

 _I am not a religious person so I won't tell you that I prayed because I didn't and I don't believe in such action but I found myself hoping a lot. We had gone through something terrible but we were happy nonetheless because we had found each other on the road. We weren't in denial, just in love and thus full of this urge to think about a bright future; a hopeful one._

 _It definitely saved us._

 _Maybe that's why we like going to Provincetown so much. It became a turning point in our lives. We learned a lot from this weekend._

 _And everything was positive. So positive._

 _Apart from the surf lessons. That turned into a sweet chaos. We were absolutely not made for it._


	15. The Rizzoli Way

**Author's note: thank you very much for all the reviews and private messages (I will answer the private messages this weekend as I am a bit busy right now)**

 _ **Chapter fifteen – The Rizzoli Way**_

"Where are Jane's sheet?"

Maura swallowed hard. She hadn't expected such question from Angela. It was a fair question though. She had asked Jane's mother to help her with the laundry because it was Tuesday and that she always changed bed sheet that day.

Angela simply wasn't supposed to know that Maura's sheet were Jane's. As a matter of fact, Jane hadn't slept in her own bedroom for over a month.

"I only washed mine. Jane... She doesn't like it when I wash her clothes. It is too personal."

Was it a lie? Maura pondered her question. She couldn't break into hives now. What would Angela think about her reaction? Of course she would come to conclusions that neither Jane nor Maura were ready to face.

"Then she won't be happy to know that you washed her bra." Angela grabbed the piece of lingerie and discreetly waved it. "You still can tell her you thought it was yours."

Maura shuddered. She would never wear such basic sport bra herself. What was Angela thinking? She paid a lot of attention to the type of lingerie she bought, to the quality of the product. Sadly Jane didn't. Five minutes at H&M and she was done with her lingerie shopping.

"She probably dropped it in the wrong basket. She has hers and I have mine but they are very close to each other on the floor. She has a tendency to throw her clothes. It... It might be it."

Maura lifted her chin. This detail wasn't a lie. It had already happened in the past. Jane hadn't cared much about it though. Maura grabbed the end of the sheet and waited for Angela to grab the other one. It was a very hot and sunny day. It wouldn't take long for the laundry to dry.

"Of course."

The lack of enthusiasm in Angela's voice didn't pass unnoticed. Maura's explanations hadn't convinced her the slightest bit. How had this even happened? Maura bit her lower lip. Everything had started so fine though. She had asked for some help and Angela had initiated a very casual chat.

Except there was nothing casual about her allusions now.

This was it. Jane's paranoia had ended up reaching her. After weeks of listening to Jane's crazy scenarios, Maura now thought exactly the same. Some sort of _folie à deux_. Yes, she had been contaminated.

They unfolded the rest of the laundry in silence. Once the patio succumbed to the sweet colors of bed sheet and clothes, Angela turned on her heels and began to walk towards the guesthouse. She stopped at the last minute – a hand on the door knob – and squinted her eyes. The words were burning her lips too much for her to keep it all inside.

"I just wish Jane understood it's all fine to me, to everyone. I just wish she could see that there's nothing bad in all of this. Absolutely nothing."

Maura swallowed hard. This wasn't paranoia. She had subconsciously guessed it right. The only thing was that she hadn't expected such bittersweet reaction from Angela.

It had taken her aback.

...

"Gosh my wife's gonna be mad. It's late and we're still on scene. "

The comment made Jane smile. She knew what her colleague meant. Working for the BPD didn't always match a family scheme. Skipping dinner because you were on a crime scene was almost written down in your contract.

She took her latex gloves off and started walking back towards the yellow tape with her colleagues. Frost and Korsak joined them. It was hot and humid. The asphalt seemed to melt under their shoes. The only thing Jane wanted was to have a shower and enjoy the AC of the Beacon Hill house.

"One more reason to marry a cop, Donoghan. Only a cop can understand a cop..." She spotted Maura by the corpse. "Or a medical examiner, of course."

Donoghan laughed and shook his head. He had been working with Jane for six years now. They knew each other very well and he had a lot of respect for her as well.

"I'll sleep on the couch. I'm kinda getting used to it anyway. That's part of the married life, Rizzoli. Although you must know about it by now. Being married means not getting any!"

All the guys burst out lauhing. Jane blinked and forced a smile. She had got the joke about the influence of a marriage on a couple's sexual life and the comparison to her unusual union to Maura but the last events made that the main lines of her relationship status had slightly changed.

And there she was, with a bruised ego because of her own lies.

"I'm getting some."

Her snort didn't have the expected effect. She had hoped to sound superior and in control of the situation when the exact opposite had actually happened. All her colleagues turned around to stare at her in disbelief.

The BPD was a small family. Everyone knew it when a cop started dating someone. It wasn't something you couldn't keep for yourself for a long time.

And for everyone, Jane Rizzoli-Isles was single in spite of her wedding band. As a matter of fact, her ring probably played an important role in all of this. What kind of guy wanted to date a married woman? And what would happen if it became serious? Everyone had understood that Jane had pt all of this in parenthesis the day she had accepted Maura's deal.

"What?" Frankie scratched his noise. Perhaps he shouldn't have asked – after all he was talking to his sister and it wasn't the kind of details he wanted to know about her life – but her remark had left him very confused. "From whom?"

Jane swallowed hard. She had talked too much to stop now. Her heart was beating fast – her mouth was dry – and her hands were moist. The hot temperatures didn't help her to cool down. She cast a brief glance at the media a few feet away and clenched her fists.

"From my wife."

It is only when she took her latex gloves off and that she looked up anew that Maura realized every single officer and detective from the little group she had approached were now staring at her with intensity. She forced a smile, a nervous one.

"Did I do something wrong?"

...

 _I know. I sort of screwed it and I only said it because they had bruised my ego but... Argh! We couldn't keep it up for too long anyway. They'd have guessed at some point. What can I say? It's the Rizzoli way: completely tactless, absolutely not prepared. A complete mess._

 _Maura didn't like it. She didn't take it bad – sorry, badly – but it wasn't the way she'd imagined it to go. You know how she is. She likes to organize stuff. I ruined the fun for her. I blurted it out in the most unexpected way ever. What was I supposed to do? Set up a party at home or at the BPD then grab a mic to say that our marriage was kinda... You know... A real one now? Nah. That's not me. Our private life's nobody's business. I just made things clear – on a crime scene – but I'd have said no to a party. Seriously..._

 _I don't regret it. You'd have seen Maura's face. It was priceless. She had caught back on our little group and she was totally unaware of what we were talking about. Then suddenly she looks up only to face like ten guys who stare at her in surprise. She's always lost in her thoughts on a crime scene. I'm sure she hadn't heard me say anything._

 _Of course people reacted positively. Yeah there were some "I knew it" or "it was just a matter of time" but it was just a nice way to tease us. I think we're lucky. We never gotta face disapprovals or anything._

 _See, this is when you get that reality has little to do with movies. I outed us by accident in the most ridiculous way ever. There were no big words, no big feelings involved. I just blurted it out because that's how I rule. I'm a tactless little idiot._

 _Maura didn't leave me so I guess she wasn't too angry with it either. She just told me that she'd be in charge of the next announcement because it'd be a lot safer this way. Let's face it, she's right about that. I completely lost it that day but – if you ask me – I kinda think it's funny. Who would have thought it'd happen like that? Who would have thought I'd break the news about your mother and I on a crime scene? Maybe it wasn't intentional but my 'coming out' was very creative._

 _Maura didn't tell me right away about the comment my mother had made when in the patio dealing with the bed sheet. She only confessed it when ma' winked and told us we'd save on money now because we wouldn't need so much laundry. It was at the Division One Cafe, a couple of hours after I'd made it somewhat clear that Maura and I had reached another level in our relationship._

 _So... You see... If you ever have to make a special announcement to us one day then I can tell you that it'll take a lot for us to be surprised and all. Knowing you, I'm sure you'll go all classic. You're just like Maura for this kind of things. Might be better though. Being impulsive doesn't make life very easy, believe me._

 _Six weeks. We had managed to keep our relationship secret for six weeks. It's a long time when you get to spend your days with friends and relatives. People always stop by home yet nobody ever walked in on us in a compromising situation. I mean – okay, you did – but the fact Maura and I were more than just friends was already clear by then._

 _It's always been clear for you._

 _It's the Rizzoli way: we never hid anything from you. We always gotta be sincere. It paid off. You're the best young adult I ever got to know so far. The Rizzoli way is a hit, let's face it. Rizzoli-Isles, sorry._


	16. Back On Track

**Author's note: thank you very much for all your reviews, it's a pleasure to read them.**

 _ **Chapter Sixteen – Back On Track**_

"Hey... You! Dammit." Jane cast a glance at the barbecue – bit her lips in hesitation – then sighed before rushing inside the house. "Come back here!"

The cat turned out to be a lot faster than her though and she barely had time to see it jump from the couch to run towards the stairs. Who was the owner? She had never seen a cat in the neighborhood, let alone in the patio.

And – of course – even less in the house.

Maura was going to kill her. She barely accepted Jo Friday's presence upstairs so a cat nobody knew about was a direct no-go.

Jane made it to the first floor a bit breathless. She didn't have much time as she had left two steaks on the barbecue. She passed the closed door of the master bedroom where Maura was having a shower and kept on walking down the corridor.

She didn't like what was going on and not because she feared her wife's reaction but because she knew where the cat had gone and she wasn't ready for it at all.

She didn't have much of a choice though.

Her good mood got swept away by a wave of deep anxiety as soon as she stepped into the room. She hadn't dared to approach it until now. As a matter of fact, she had even managed to put its existence in a dark corner of her mind to the point that she had almost forgotten about it. Or at least until now.

With her eyes fixed on the hardwood floor, Jane walked into the nursery room and took a deep – long – breath.

"Where are you...?"

She spotted the cat on top of the changing table. It was one of the furniture she and Maura had had time to assemble before the accident. Actually and now that she could observe the room, Jane realized that everything was pretty much ready. For weeks they had assumed that they were running out of time when they had actually been ready since the very beginning. She swallowed hard.

Even the bed was made.

Not caring much about the cat anymore, Jane went to sit on the rocking chair. Maura had insisted to buy it. She used to have one herself as a child in her bedroom and she loved the idea of them cuddling with the baby on it.

Sadly her fantasy had been crashed down rather violently.

"Oh!"

Jane jumped out of surprise as the cat came to settle on her lap. The move was very unexpected. The cat didn't know her at all and yet there it was nicely purring on her knees now. She started caressing it absentmindedly.

"Wrong house, buddy. We already have a dog and a tortoise. We're not running a farm in the middle of Boston."

"What is going on?"

Jane looked up only to see Maura walk in wearing nothing but her underwear. She still had her hair tied up in a loose bun from the shower and a few water drops shone on her shoulders. She closed the distance with Jane and squinted her eyes at the cat.

"What have I missed?"

The question made Jane laugh quietly. She shook her head – not knowing what to say – and looked at the cat that was now sleeping on her lap.

"I saw it run inside so I chased it and we ended up here. That's pretty much what you've missed while you were taking a shower."

A peaceful smile played on Maura's lips. She squatted and caressed the cat on top of its head. She was less surprised by the presence of the animal than by the presence of Jane in the nursery room. They didn't speak much about it but she knew how hard it was for Jane to even walk by the door of the room. Being inside of it now was a real challenge for her. A tough one.

"It is a she. This cat is a female. And..." Maura slid the palm of her hand over the cat's stomach. "She is pregnant, actually. She is going to have kittens soon."

"Maybe she's looking for a house then. Maybe she chose us." Jane raised an eyebrow. She wasn't a cat person but she had to admit that the purring was relaxing. "You know, I'd have never imagined I'd miss someone I've never met but..." Her voice broke. She looked up at the ceiling and took a deep breath to prevent the tears from falling. "I miss Timothy."

She had never expressed her sorrow as explicitly as Maura had. Everyone had respected her reaction and she appreciated that but being in the nursery room now brought up many feelings to the surface; many feelings she didn't know what to do of.

"I miss him too." Maura sat on the floor by the rocking chair and smiled at Jane. "I think about him every day. That's why I like coming here. There is something soothing about this room. It won't bring him back – nothing will bring him back – but I feel closer to him when I am here."

"You did something to this room, right? I don't remember we'd left it like that. There were plenty of cardboard boxes, you took them out."

Maura nodded. She had taken advantage of her days off to finish the room properly. She didn't like seeing it abandoned. It reminded her too much that life had suddenly got suspended at some point, how it had ached.

"I want a child, Jane. I want to have a child with you." Maura immediately looked down at the floor. It was too early to talk about it, wasn't it? Within three days, they would hit Petunia's due date but there would be no baby. No smiles, no pictures. Nothing. "I'm sorry."

"I want a child too." Jane put her hand on the cat's stomach. She didn't feel anything though. Were there really kittens in there? "Just because it won't be Timothy doesn't mean I've drawn a line under the idea of raising a child with you."

The words rose loud and clear. They wrapped up Maura of a delicate relief. She sat up on her knees to be more or less at eye-level with Jane and bent over to capture her lips in a long kiss.

"We are going to have this baby. I promise you that we will."

...

 _This is how Clafoutis made it into our lives a few months before you did. It took Jane at least ten years to pronounce her name properly even if she happened to be the one who chose it. Once we realized our steaks had literally burnt on the barbecue that day, I went to bake a cake and decided to go for a French recipe: a cherry cake. They call it "clafoutis"._

 _Jane found the name funny and she liked it enough to name the cat after it._

 _Petunia's due date hit us hard. We made sure to remain busy on that day but it didn't prevent me from thinking about her and Timothy. We should have become mothers. We should have had a baby. Instead I was standing in a morgue observing a dead body while Jane was investigating a case three floors above._

 _We were ready for it. We had everything but anyway parenthood has very little to do with being materialistic. We were mature enough and had this love that we wanted to share with our son. Why had he been taken away from us so soon? Why did it have to happen to us? Why? Life can be so unfair at times, so confusing._

 _I am glad that we had this talk in the nursery room. It put us back on track which was really needed. Many things had occurred within the past few months: the loss of Petunia and Timothy then the different pace in our relationship._

 _The second point had kept us very busy - in a good way though - but the day Clafoutis made it into our lives, everything had settled down anew and it gave us some time to focus back on our project. We were a real couple now, a married one besides. Just because it had gone wrong once didn't mean that we gave up._

 _People often say that Jane and I are different but the truth is that we are both very stubborn and ambitious. Determined. We have a lot in common._

 _It didn't go any further that day than renewing our vows, somehow. But we both needed it if only to know where we stood and why. Things would be different. What kind of couple turned out to be a couple only after getting married? It was strange to think about it. The evolution of our relation wasn't following any traditional scheme. Perhaps it scared me a bit but my feelings were strong enough to win over my insecurities._

 _Jane was perfect. As a matter of fact, she has always been perfect. I know that I can count on her whenever doubts invade me. I don't even need to speak by then, she can sense it and so she did way back then. She saw that I wasn't doing fine, that I needed to be comforted. She brought me all of this with a rare delicacy._

 _Mid-July. We waited for mid-July to show up to actually throw ourselves back into the adoption process. We took our time. We knew how it worked, and what we had to do. But we wanted it to go slow, it was reassuring._

 _We went back to the adoption agency on a very hot day. The air burnt our lungs, it was suffocating. The AC in our car had broken and I was literally melting in spite of wearing a very light – very thin – summer dress. The summer in Boston can be just as hard as the winter is. It was a scorching heat and all we wanted was to go by the sea._

 _July, 18th. We got to know about you on July, 18th._

 _Such a sweet day, full of promises._


	17. Here and Now

**Author's note thank you all for your messages and reviews!**

 _ **Chapter Seventeen – Here And Now**_

"So it's a girl." Constance's statement almost sounded like a question, a genuine one though. By the smile that played on her mother's lips, Maura could say that she was happy though. "Due date?"

"Catherine – the birthmother – is due mid-September and she is indeed expecting a girl. See, it is written over here: baby girl."

Maura pointed a brief text on the top left of the ultrasound picture. A baby girl. She and Jane were going to have a baby girl. Catherine was twenty-seven and worked as a nurse for Doctors Without Borders. Her pregnancy wasn't planned at all and – because of her constant travels – she had assumed that adoption was the best solution for the child she would give birth to as long as she could keep in touch with her through the years.

Jane and Maura had liked her right away.

It had hurt a bit at first for the situation reminding them of Petunia and how the three of them had hit it off as well but their determination was such that they had managed to overcome the awkwardness. They had welcomed Catherine in their life with all the warmth and excitement that they had found in their hearts.

"Not even two months to go... How do you feel about it?" Constance grabbed her glass of rosé and let the ice cubes in it dance around for a while. "You must be thrilled."

Maura immediately nodded. Her mother's visit was completely unexpected. She hadn't planned on coming to Boston before Christmas but the last events had pushed her to change her mind. Maura hadn't said anything but – deep inside – she was extremely touched by her mother's behavior. It hadn't hit her until now but she needed her presence more than she would have ever imagined.

There was something reassuring about having her around at this exact moment of her life. She was about to become a mother herself, these few days with Constance were highly symbolical.

"I have a hard time believing that we found someone so quickly, so easily. Catherine is fine, the baby is fine too... I just hope that I won't disappoint anyone."

"Disappoint? What do you mean?"

Maura shrugged and proceeded to fold her napkin to get her shaking hands busy. She didn't necessarily feel like talking about it because she was afraid that people would mock her when her feelings couldn't be more genuine and real. She hadn't even told Jane about it.

"Maybe I am not made for this. There is a big difference between babysitting TJ and raising my own child. Maybe I won't succeed."

Constance's snort turned out to be louder than planned. A few customers turned around to look at her before resuming their meal.

"And this is the exact reason why you will. Only women who are full of doubts and are afraid to not do it properly turn out to be good mothers. You didn't grow up with the best example of parenthood but you are very Cartesian and responsible. You and Jane will do a great job. By the way – speaking about Jane – are you going to get married again?"

A little bird landed by Maura's feet. She observed it for a couple of seconds before frowning at her mother's question. What was she talking about? They hadn't got any divorce. Why should they get married for a second time?

"I don't understand. What do you mean?" She cast a glance at her wedding ring. It was strange to think that she and Jane were already married considering they hadn't even said 'I love you' to each other yet but the circumstances of their union were singular. "We are satisfied of our first wedding!"

Constance rolled her eyes but nonetheless smiled at the timid joke Maura made. She couldn't say that she had been surprised when she had learned that her daughter and Jane were an actual couple now – as a matter of fact, she had assumed that it had already happened several times in the past – but she still assumed that they wanted to celebrate the shift in the relationship.

"You are together now. Don't you feel the need to... I don't know... Properly celebrate it, this time? It took the two of you so long to realize that you had feelings for each other. I never understood why you kept on dating these guys when it was obvious that you were in love with Jane. You aren't heterosexual, Maura. Everyone knows that and it's all fine... Most of people probably think that you are bisexual now but I would personally tend to think that you are pansexual. What is your opinion on this?"

Maura blinked. What had just happened here? She stared at her shopping bags in disbelief. They had bought a few things for the baby earlier in the morning and had decided to have lunch at one of Constance's favorite restaurants by the harbor. When – exactly – had the conversation taken this turn?

"Err..."

Perhaps Jane's absence wasn't such a bad thing in the end. At first Maura had been disappointed because it was supposed to be a baby shopping day but Jane was on call and she hadn't had much of a choice.

Yet she had made sure before leaving that Maura wouldn't buy anything pink.

"Constance... What a surprise! I didn't know you were in Boston."

Saved by the bell. Or so. Maura looked up at a woman she assumed to be one of her mother's acquaintances. Constance immediately stood up to kiss the stranger on both cheeks. Maura did the same, out of politeness.

"Meredith... This is my daughter, Maura. Maura... Meredith Baxter, she is Williams Baxter's wife. You know, the philantropist." Constance focused back on her friend. "My visit here turned out to be a last-minute change. I am going to be a grandmother within two months now so I want to take advatange of my daughter before I lose her to diapers and sleepless nights!"

Meredith laughed but suddenly stopped as she realized that Maura's stomach was as flat as hers. Of course Constance didn't miss her reaction and – as proudly as she could – she lifted her chin up in defiance.

"Maura and her wife are adopting a child. A baby girl. She should be born in September."

Meredith congratulated Maura but soon started stuttering, excusing herself – advancing the fact that her husband was waiting for her – and she left the restaurant in a hurry. Constance looked at her leaving before snorting. She locked her eyes with Maura's and smirked.

"I can't stand this woman. She is a conservative. I knew that bringing up your marriage and this adoption would make her run away in no time."

...

 _My mother is a bit singular. I am glad to see that the two of you have always got along because sometimes it isn't easy to understand her. You know that she and I have been through rough times, especially when I was a young adult. There was a lot of resentment from my part; many untold things that I had tried to bury within myself in the hope that they would end up disappearing. Of course it absolutely didn't work._

 _Everything started getting better between my mother and I thanks to Jane and Angela and by the time you were born, we had turned the page over all this misunderstanding; all this resentment._

 _Perhaps some days you think I am not being fair to you. It is only human to think this way yet I want you to remember that being a mother is a hard task. We do our best but we don't always succeed. Yet I love you. I have always loved you. Jane has always loved you. We didn't have much experience in parenthood so I apologize if you suffered from some of our decisions. We always tried to be fair, and responsible._

 _I don't know what became of Meredith but my mother seemed to find a certain pleasure in the idea of telling everyone that her daughter had married a woman. She was proud of me – she still is – and she kept on saying how entertaining it could be to see a conservative person go blank whenever she let them know that I was raising a child with Jane._

 _You know that she has her way to present things, to say them without really saying them. Yet the first time I held you in my arms, she happened to be there next to me._

 _"I'm proud of you."_

 _It was the very first time that she said such words to me. She never said them again. Curiously she is a lot more open with you. She keeps on encouraging you, she is very present in your life. I think that she is a wonderful grandmother. Perhaps she is simply trying to catch back with you what she missed out with me but I don't care because I am very happy. She has been perfect with you and this is all I care about in the end._

 _I may have come back home with a pink kimono top that day. It wasn't a bright pink but a delicate, subtle one. Jane said that she would never catch you in it yet the truth is that it turned out to be one of her favorites. What can I say? It suited your complexion._

 _I think that we had finally found back a balance in our lives. The shadow of Petunia and Timothy was still floating around but we were happy. You would be among us soon, fate was being sweet with us again. Maybe we carried within ourselves the weight of the past few months but the lightness of our days reigned nonetheless over our marriage._

 _Doesn't it feel great when you have the sensation that everything falls into place? This is when you understand how lucky you are to be alive, to be among people you love and who love you back. The world opens its arms to you and you want nothing but to throw yourself in them._

 _And you keep on smiling, you keep on dreaming._

 _I don't know what I did to deserve all this. I don't know what I did to have Jane, to have you. To have my mother. The only thing I am certain of is that I cherish you and measure my chance to be able to call you family._


	18. The Birthday Girl

**Author's note: thank you very much for all your reviews and messages (I'm a bit in a hurry this morning so I'll reply to you all in the evening, sorry for the delay)**

 _ **Chapter Eighteen – The Birthday Girl**_

Jane made a step backwards and observed the living-room with attention. The final result wasn't bad at all even if she thought that they still could add a couple of skulls on the fireplace.

"Halloween in August. I'd have never thought I'd get to see this one day." Catherine laughed and went to sit down on the couch. "I love it!"

Jane's pout melted into a smile. She turned around and nodded at the young woman. Catherine was more than eight-month pregnant but she had nonetheless come to help her prepare everything. It was very nice from her and she must have been exhausted now. Yet she wasn't complaining and kept on joking around.

Jane grabbed a bottle of water and held it out to her. The summer was particularly hot, Catherine must have been living a nightmare.

"Maura has never had any themed birthday party so... You know... About time! She'll probably tell us that the skeletons aren't realistic because some bones are missing or whatever but – deep inside – she'll be thrilled. Believe me."

Maura's very last birthday without their daughter by their side. Jane swallowed hard as a powerful wave of emotions rushed through her. Everything was ready. She had even moved Clafoutis and her kittens to a quieter room to make sure that the cat wouldn't be scared of the presence of too many people.

They had awoken four days earlier to the sound of kittens in the living-room. Maura had almost had a panic attack when she had realized that the cat hadn't given birth in the carboard box that they had found for her but on top of one of her expensive armchairs. Thankfully Jane had got the situation back under control as she had managed to make her partner focus on the cuteness of the kittens instead.

They would have to give them away though. With Bass and Jo Friday around, they could hardly afford to have six more pets in the house.

"This is such a nice attention, Jane. I'm sure Maura will love it." Catherine took a sip of water and motioned Jane's tape. "How's your wrist?"

The question immediately made Jane blush. There were some things that she preferred to keep under silence, some very stupid things. The way she had tried to surf in the patio last weekend – out of boredom – was one of them, for instance. How had this even happened? She was obviously the first person on this planet who had got injured after climbing on top of a surfboard without water around.

"It's just a bad bruise, I'm okay. There's nothing sprained, nothing broken. It's just the typical stupid stuff one should expect from me."

And this was true. This was completely true. Maura had even got used to it. She had heard the loud noise of Jane's fall from the living-room but she hadn't moved an inch. She had patiently waited instead to see what part of her body her wife had once again damaged.

Even Bass wasn't scared of Jane's dangerous challenges anymore. He had ceased to rush under a table to hide whenever Jane let a scream of pain come out.

"It's Maura's fault though! She's the one who bought that surfboard. Gosh you'd have seen us in Provincetown at our first surfing lesson. It was a disaster. Maura ended up lying on the board – right on the beach – to resume the reading of her novel and I landed at a bar on the pier."

Catherine burst out laughing. Openly. Loudly. For five seconds. Then she suddenly froze and turned livid. Jane's heart missed a beat as she witnessed the drastic change of attitude.

"Are you okay?"

...

Maura rushed through the corridors. She knew the hospital by heart. She could have gone there with her eyes closed, as a matter of fact. She turned on her right – passed a vending machine – and turned on her left before reaching a large and crowded waiting room. She spotted Jane at the very far end of it pacing nervously; a coffee cup in her hands.

"What is going on? Please tell me everything is fine. Where is Catherine? And why are you dressed up as a mad scientist?"

Nothing made sense now that Maura thought about it. Was she having a bad dream? Jane was wearing a medical white coat slightly torn down and full of strains. Her hair was a mess as if some chemical product had exploded within her black curls.

"The doctors are with her. She's having a check-up. I guess her water broke. We were at home laughing and all then it happened." Jane shrugged and preferred to not tell Maura that she could say goodbye to her couch. Clafoutis ruining an armchair was enough for the moment on the furniture disaster scale. "She wasn't in pain nor bleeding though. She was just a bit panicked."

Jane bit her lower lip. This was one way to soften the truth. Catherine was in tears when Jane had taken her to the hospital. They both knew what her water breaking meant except it was way too early. On the paper, the baby was big enough to show up a few weeks earlier but Jane didn't like it. There was a reason why a pregnancy was supposed to last nine months and not eight and a half.

"Why... Why the white coat? Were you going to a carnival?" Maura looked at her wife's attire and raised a very unconvinced eyebrow. Jane's outfit was slightly embarrassing actually. Especially since they were at the hospital. "What have you done again?"

Jane sighed.

"It was supposed to be a surprise... We organized a little something for your birthday. Everything was ready but it seems like we have some last-minute change. I'm sorry." An apologetic smile played on her lips. "How come you're so calm? You freak me out."

The remark made Maura smile. She leaned against the wall and shrugged. Something warm had just spread within her, something soft that reassured her. She was happy and felt fine. Yes Catherine had been taken to the hospital but – deep inside – Maura was convinced that everything would go alright.

She could sense it.

Many women happened to give birth a bit earlier. As a matter of fact, some always had a doubt about the date of the child conception. Besides if she wasn't in pain nor bleeding, Catherine might simply have to stick to some bed rest for a couple of weeks. And then there was Jane. Jane and her nice attentions.

"Because I love you."

...

 _It turned out to be a false alert. Catherine had lost a bit of liquid but her water hadn't broken and since she didn't have contractions, she got released within the next hours. She was fine, you were fine. Everyone was fine._

 _But the birthday surprise party was ruined._

 _I mean we did celebrate Maura's birthday but there was no surprise anymore. I kinda panicked when I saw Catherine freeze. It never crossed my mind I could take that medical white coat off and tie my hair up in a ponytail or something. We just rushed to the hospital and the rest is history._

 _You really scared me that day. I know it's not the kind of stuff I say very often but you really did. The loss of Timothy was still very fresh in my mind. It's only fair I got to think about it. I'm so glad the story didn't repeat._

 _The party turned out to be an amazing success. Maura loved it and she didn't even make any remark about the skeletons but then that's probably because I had made her drink quite a lot of punch. Yeah, whatever._

 _She needed to forget the fact her couch was about to join her armchair to the heaven of furniture._

 _We celebrated a lot of birthdays but I wanted to talk to you about this one because it's part of your journey and it's part of Maura and I's too. We were a young couple – I mean a fresh one – and it's the first time Maura told me that she loved me._

 _Yes, I'm going all sappy and so what? It touched me. Deal with it._

 _We hadn't said it yet. I didn't have any doubt about my feelings and I know Maura didn't have any either but the words still had to come out. It was probably not the most romantic scene ever but I kinda like it because it's ours. You see what I mean? It just happened, in the most natural way ever. It wasn't planned, just instinctive. And that's something big for Maura._

 _Actually I don't even know if she realized what she'd said at the time because life just went on and she moved on. The doctors came back and we gotta see Catherine. They told us everything was fine, that you were doing good. Maybe you would show up before your birthmother's due date but it wasn't an issue because you weren't a tiny baby either._

 _Yeah well, get over it. I was a chubby baby too. It's okay. You'll survive this kind of info. I did in spite of ma' waving all these pics of me as a newborn to whoever stops by her place._

 _Anyway... That's why I remember this day so well. Not because I got scared but because it ended up in the sweetest way ever. It took me so long to feel fine with someone. I even thought at some point that it wouldn't happen at all. I'm glad life proved me I was wrong._

 _And... Yes. I did reply to your mother. I told her that I loved her too. It's cheesy, right? I know it is. I can feel it. But you know what? I don't care. It's my life, my story. And it can be cheesy too because it's actually super sweet._

 _Let's just forget about my stupid pride for a minute here. Let's just put all of this aside._

 _There's nothing wrong in being loved and loving someone so why should I hide it? Why should I keep it for myself? I should celebrate it instead and that's exactly what I'm doing._


	19. August 25th

**Author's note: thank you very much for all your reviews and messages, they are much appreciated.**

 _ **Chapter Nineteen – August, 25th**_

The first time Jane had looked at Maura, she had been very furtive and she understood that her gesture may have passed unnoticed. But the second time? Nah. She had made sure that Maura would actually realize that she had looked at her. Rather intensively. Suggestively.

And yet no reaction.

That didn't leave Jane many options. If she wanted her third look to have a proper impact on her wife, she would have to invade Maura's personal space. Thus she would have a chance to become Maura's center of attention. Then exit the book she was reading and the party would begin.

Jane rolled on her side very carefully and slid a hand on Maura's stomach before planting soft kisses on her throat.

There was nothing subtle in her gesture but since Maura hadn't reacted earlier to her looks, Jane had had to become more obvious. Her fingers travelled up her wife's bare stomach until they brushed the edge of her bikini top. It was a very hot day but the hammoc they had bought was the perfect solution to their patio issue: settled in the shadows, it offered a relaxing spot for their days off.

"We are in a hammoc, Jane. I am not sure that this is the appropriate place to have sexual intercourse. There is almost no balance whatsoever."

"I take the risk. I'm adventurous."

The remark made Maura chuckle. She hadn't assumed that Jane could be so mischievous. She had previously seen her in her past relationships and Jane seemed to have won in self-confidence since they were together.

It was pleasant, very pleasant to say the least. Unexpected but pleasant.

"You are going to send us both to the ER." Yet Maura's words didn't find the slightest echo in her actions. She dropped her book on the floor and properly focused on Jane. "What if your mother arrives? We are in the patio, she can show up any time."

One more time, Maura's scenario didn't stop her the slightest bit as she proceeded to untie Jane's own bikini top. She didn't need a lot to find enthusiasm in such activity. On the contrary. If it weren't for their work schedule, this would happen a lot more often.

"She works until 7pm. It's barely 5... We have two hours to ourselves right now."

Jane closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she felt Maura's lips on her breasts. The least she could say was that her wife was quite direct. And efficient. Many things could happen within two hours. Many, many things.

She reached for Maura's bikini top and unhooked it. They weren't wearing a lot of clothes but she still assumed that the thin layer of fabric was too much of an obstacle to her senses. She wanted to brush – to feel – to kiss every single inch of Maura's hot skin.

She recognized the buzzing sound right away and let a growl come out. Her cell phone was vibrating. It was their day off, they weren't on call. Who dared to disturb them right now? She couldn't have feared a worse timing.

Maura started rolling on the other side to catch the phone but Jane stopped her. They had other priorities for the moment.

"They'll leave a message if it's important. It's fine."

Maura seemed to hesitate for a few seconds but a topless Jane wasn't a fair battle. Her lips went back right away for the hot and shivering skin while her hand began to trace an arousing path down Jane's body. She didn't feel like making it last. The way their legs were intertwined – their knees high enough to brush the most sensitive part of their respective bodies – was enough of foreplay to skip any kind of suggestive caresses.

"You smell of monoi."

Maura's voice had lowered of an octave. It sounded hoarse, full of a desire that she could barely complain. She plunged her hand between Jane's legs without any warning and caught her lips just on time to swallow her gasp of surprise. The touch had been fast, precise.

The phone started buzzing anew but there was no way Maura would stop now. Jane needed her. It would have been cruel to stop now while Jane's arousal and panting were obvious. Her body was hot – almost burning – against Maura's and yet the sweet torture of Maura's fingers made her shiver constantly. The combination was even more arousing.

The hammoc was definitely a challenge in itself and Jane soon stopped moving to properly focus on her feelings instead.

She squeezed Maura's waist with one of her legs to bring her closer to her own body and clutched her hands to her wife's back. She swallowed hard and threw her head backwards.

The silence of Beacon Hill was deafening and sensual; the light and hot breeze of an August day caressed her bare skin in a tantalizing way.

Meanwhile, her phone kept on vibrating.

Seriously? What was it that people didn't understand that – if she didn't answer – then it meant she was busy. The buzzing sound was distracting. She didn't like it. Thankfully Maura's devilish caresses didn't make her lose her nerves completely. As a matter of fact the moment Maura sped up the pace, Jane swallowed back a gasp and arched her back in pleasure. She wouldn't last long and she knew that it was exactly what Maura wanted. Maura wasn't being playful. She was going straight for what she wanted.

Jane felt the wave of warmth grow in her lower stomach. Her body got tensed, she bit her lips and let her nails dig into Maura's back.

"Stop holding it back..."

Maura's hot breath against her ear turned out to be too strong for her to resist. In a last sigh of pleasure, Jane abandoned herself to the strong feeling. She felt Maura's burning lips slide on her throat, the tip of her tongue play with her skin. Then they both remained still for long seconds.

New buzzing from the phone.

Maura turned around – visibily annoyed – and grabbed the item. She held it out to Jane and rolled her eyes.

"Now answer this damn thing. It is turning me crazy."

Jane grabbed the phone but froze the moment she got to read the alerts that had appeared on the screen: fifteen calls from Catherine.

...

 _... ... ... ... I don't know what to say. It does sound irresponsible from us but then we were nothing near Catherine's due date. She hadn't had any other issue since my birthday and the doctors had said that she would probably hit September. It didn't even cross our mind that it could be it._

 _August, 25th._

 _We didn't take her call right away because we were busy, the kind of busy that postpones absolutely everything. Why are you rolling your eyes? Stop smirking! I swear that I still feel embarrassed and a bit guilty, even eighteen years later. This will probably haunt me for the rest of my life! Have a little compassion, sweetie._

 _Anyway... The good thing is that a first labor takes a lot of time so once Jane called back Catherine who let her know that her water had broken and she was having contractions, we dressed up properly then drove to the hospital._

 _See? We didn't miss anything. We actually arrived ten minutes after your birthmother which is a very short lapse of time._

 _Jane called her mother and then mine. Coincidentally, my mother happened to be in Provincetown for an art exhibition so she immediately hit the road and drove back to Boston to be with us. Life can be sweet sometimes. I love the fact that she was able to share this moment with me. It was a very important day and it had taken us back. You had taken us aback. Everything was ready – Jane and I were ready – but we had been told September so in our heads, you weren't supposed to show up in August._

 _I am afraid that the legend that goes around your name is true. We didn't have any the moment we arrived to the hospital. We had barely started talking about it and the moment Catherine got her room, we realized that we had forgotten the baby name book at home. We had left in a hurry..._ _Thankfully we had put in our car a small bag of clothes for you or else I am sure that we would have had to buy something at the small souvenir shop of the hospital to make sure that you wouldn't spend the first hours of your life completely naked._

 _No. This isn't negligence. As a matter of fact, in many countries newborns remain naked. It is a very healthy tradition. What did you risk on a hot summer day anyway? See?_

 _I remember the wait. Long, stressing. All of a sudden Catherine lay on her bed and the adrenalin left our bodies. There is nothing slower than a labor and it is such a strange feeling to witness the pain on someone; a pain that you cannot soothe. I felt so disarmed, almost pointless. My heart was beating fast because I knew that within a few hours I would be holding you in my arms but an odd emptiness seemed to have invaded me as well. What a singular sensation._

 _Of course one of us could have gone back home to take a book – like the baby name one for instance – but I guess we subconsciously wanted nothing but to remain by Catherine's side. She was alone. She was a single mother. She was about to give birth to a child for the first time. She needed us. Our presence was reassuring._

 _Your birthfather is a medical doctor. Catherine never let him know about you because he was married to someone else. This is a detail that we never hid from you. It may not be easy but we preferred you to know the truth._

 _I don't know if you appreciate our sincerity. I hope you do. Our intention was harmless, preventive somehow. Besides, what if you had found out by yourself? We didn't want to cause any resentment over a secret. You are in your right to know where you come from especially since we know it. Hiding it from you would have been a betrayal. You know that trust is paramount to any healthy relationship._


	20. From A Generation To Another

**Author's note: thank you very much for your kind words; there is one chapter left after today's chapter, it is time for us to start a new Rizzles story.**

 _ **Chapter Twenty – From a Generation to Another**_

She had two hands and two feet – two big eyes – and the most beautiful complexion Jane had ever seen. She was all pink. Perfect. Healthy.

"Does this little girl have a name?" The nurse brought back the newborn to Catherine who was lying in her bed. The absence of reply made the employee laugh. "It's okay, take your time. She has a family name, it's all fine."

Jane and Maura nodded. Their daughter was born at 11.23pm on August, 25th. The labor had gone rather fast for a first pregnancy and Catherine had been perfect from the beginning to the end. She had handled the pain with a lot of courage and had remained focused – listening to the midwife – until a crying newborn had been put down on her stomach.

"You'll have to take her in your arms at some point." Catherine laughed lightely before looking up at Jane and Maura. She was holding the baby and seemed to find the adoptive parents' sudden timidity rather cute. "She doesn't bite, you know. She can't. She doesn't have teeth."

"Sometimes newborns actually have some." Maura's voice timidly rose in the air. She looked down at her hands immediately. Why had she said that in the first place? Nobody cared. "She has shared a very special bond with you for the last eight months and a half. It is only fair – and probably reassuring for her – to be in your arms right now."

Catherine smiled. Maura's words made sense, a lot of sense. Perhaps it was even the reason why the baby was so calm in her arms. Yet of course Maura had used an excuse to hide better the truth. The emotion had been such when she had seen the newborn being placed on top of Catherine's stomach that she was still shaking and she knew that Jane was just alike.

It had happened. They were mothers. Yet none of them could properly realize that this day had finally happened.

"How about her name? She needs a name..."

Jane shrugged and cast a shy glance at Maura. How could she say to Catherine that they hadn't agreed yet on any of them? It would make them pass for irresponsible idiots. Bad timing as their daughter was now part of this world. Very, very bad timing.

"Do you have any suggestion? We are her adoptive parents but you're still her birthmother. You can make suggestions too. You're part of this litte girl's life and you'll always be."

Maura passed a hand on Jane's back. Her wife's words had touched her because it was exactly how they wanted it to be. Just because Catherine wouldn't raise their daughter didn't mean that she had to be excluded from the parental sphere.

They had chosen an open adoption for this exact reason.

"Jane is right. Is there any name that you would like us to choose?"

Catherine seemed to hesitate. She looked down at the little girl in her arms and pouted. She was tired but the anxiety she had feared over this moment had been swept away by a wave of serenity. She knew that she had made the right choice. Jane and Maura would take care of this baby. She was in peace.

"Maybe my paternal grandmother's name...? She played a very important role in my life. As a matter of fact, she raised me! My parents used to travel a lot... Sadly she passed away a few years ago."

...

Constance turned out to be the first one who entered the hospital room. Angela followed her within a few seconds.

Maura was holding her and Jane's daughter for the very first time. There was something powerful that emanated from the touch. It looked almost too real to be believed. The newborn hadn't protested when she had left Catherine's arms.

Jane had held her first - for a few minutes - then she hd passed her to Maura so she could go and tell their relatives that they could come in.

"Good evening, everyone..." Maura couldn't help laughing lightly. It was such a strange moment. She looked at Jane for acknowledgement then flashed a bright smile at the rest of their family. "May I introduce you to the latest Rizzoli-Isles addition... This is Lou-Mae. She is named after Catherine's grandmother. Lou-Mae Rizzoli-Isles."

The name was old but Jane had liked the sound of it as well as its symbol. She would probably make it shorter with the passing of time and call their daughter 'Lou' which would go on Maura's nerves since she couldn't stand nicknames but she was proud of this final choice. The newborn had even reacted – somehow – when they had said the name out loud for the very first time.

Constance came closer to Maura and softly caressed her granddaughter's cheek. The baby was peacefully sleeping. She smiled before focusing on her own daughter.

"I'm proud of you."

Constance's words passed underneath Maura's skin and rushed through her veins to embrace her heart in the most intense way ever. She swallowed hard, touched by the confession that her mother had whispered the moment she had locked her eyes with hers. In front of everyone.

"It's a beautiful name. Excellent choice. Now give me my very first granddaughter." Angela started walking towards Maura but Jane stopped her right away. "What?"

"She's sleeping, ma'. You're gonna wake her up. Just look at her from a distance. Don't touch her." Jane snorted knowing very well whom she was talking to. "I mean it."

Angela rolled her eyes but didn't insist. They were at the hospital – Catherine had just given birth – and everyone was happy. She would catch back on hugs and kisses once they came back home in a couple of days.

Someone knocked on the door. The whole room turned around only to see a nurse poke her head inside.

"It's getting late and I'm sure Catherine is tired. We're going to take care of Lou-Mae for the night. She'll be in the nursery... You can all come back tomorrow though."

Angela and Constance nodded and left after a very last goodbye to the baby and to Catherine. Jane and Maura found themselves alone with the young woman in the room as the nurse had left again to go grab a second pillow.

"Please come home any time, Catherine. You are welcome to visit us whenever you want... You don't even have to call before... And when you are abroad, we will Skype with you just as we had said we would... It is..." Maura swallowed hard and bit her lips as a new wave of emotions submerged her. "Thank you so much..."

Tears of an absolute satisfaction embraced Maura's cheeks before coming to die at the corner of her mouth. They were salty. Salty and warm. Delicate and sweet.

...

 _I realized I'd cried when I felt that my cheeks were kinda weird like dry. I guess I wasn't myself when you came to life. It knocked me out completely. I heard you cry and then I saw that little moving thing being put down on Catherine's stomach. It was you. Healthy, pink. Already curious to see what the world had in store for you._

 _We drove back home that night in a complete silence and maybe that's why I remember Maura's words so well the moment we passed the door and went to open a bottle of champagne in the kitchen. It was late, we were emotionally exhausted and still buzzed by the whole thing because you'd showed earlier than expected._

 _"To life."_

 _I rose my glass and cheered with Maura. We hadn't said that for an eternity and it brought us back to the very beginning of this journey. So many things had happened since then... Our world had totally changed._

 _Of course I thought about Petunia and Timothy. Your birth had a special touch after all the things we'd gone through. Everything came back up. Like a movie in slow motion._

 _It brought me back six years earlier when Maura had asked me to be part of her plan. It had worked out. It hadn't been easy all the time – the road had been very bumpy and sometimes dark – but we had succeeded. You were our reward. Our so precious reward._

 _Catherine visited us a lot during the first few months of your life. She was happy to see you grow up in a nice environment. We covered you of kisses and I felt like putting bubble-wrap paper everywhere to make sure that nothing would ever happen to you. Then when you turned four months, she had to leave again. She couldn't stop working..._

 _I remember her first mission with Doctors Without Borders after your birth. She went to a small village in India. We Skyped a lot and all these kids always showed up next to her. She looked so happy. She was convinced to have made the right decision and she was relieved to see that we were good mothers. Adoption's probably not easy. It's a huge choice one makes. I'm so thankful she trusted us enough to give us this opportunity._

 _I'm glad the two of you get along. I'm a little less glad to see you wanna travel the word just like her. This isn't something I approve because I won't be around to make sure you're safe and that boys keep a reasonable distance with you. But I know you'll be careful... And Maura'd kill me if I didn't let you go or something._

 _But that doesn't mean I'm whipped._

 _Jane Rizzoli isn't whipped but I made it clear a little while ago already so let's focus on different matters now._

 _You made your first steps when you were nine months old, at the morgue. Talk about a creepy place for such memory. You never believed in Santa Claus but you were a big fan of the Tooth Fairy. You played baseball and learned the piano. You hate brocoli but have no food allergy._

 _I know you by heart... I didn't give life to you but I made sure that you could lean on me whenever you needed to for the past eighteen years. I was here when you had a nightmare, when you needed a hug. Nothing has changed, Lou... Absolutely nothing. I'm still here for you and I'll always be._


	21. Your Life

_**Chapter Twenty-One – Your Life**_

 **August 2034**

Maura cast a glance at Jane and let this comforting feeling of satisfaction embrace her.

It was exactly the way it had happened. What Jane had just said about the day of Lou's birth couldn't have been closer to the truth from the emotional exhaustion to the moment they had cheered in the kitchen. Eighteen years had passed since that day.

Eighteen years...

Why did time have to fly by like that? What had become of Lou's first steps, her first haircut? The day she had talked for the first time. It all belonged to the past now – a bittersweet one – as their daughter was about to leave for college on the very next day. Overwhelmed, Maura looked down and remained quiet. She couldn't cry now.

"We live in Boston for Christ's sake. Some of the best colleges are here and yet you decide to go to New York." Jane snorted. She obviously wasn't done; not just yet. "Say it if you don't like us. Ungrateful daughter."

The whole table started laughing. They couldn't have hoped for a better birthday and goodbye to Lou as she was about to start this new page of her life.

Jane and Maura hadn't written anything special but the words had come out by themselves the moment they had raised their glasses to celebrate Lou's eighteenth birthday. It was a turning point in her life, big changes were coming her way. Very big ones. Their little girl was a young woman now.

"C'mon! New York isn't that far..." Lou laughed lightly and shook her head at Jane. She knew how her mother tended to exaggerate and the truth was that she loved it. "I'd have gone to Europe. Mom did, after all."

Lou pointed at Maura who suddenly had to face Jane's reproachful look. Raising a child hadn't always been easy. Maura had insisted on teaching their daughter notions of autonomy and independence at a very young age while Jane had oddly started adopting the same characteristics as Angela. It had to be in her Italian genes.

The contrast had turned into an interesting combination yet the fact Lou was responsible and hard-working was enough to let Jane and Maura think that they had succeeded.

"I only spent a year in London. I went to med school in Boston."

Maura bit her lips. She knew that her argument was a weak one but she had been unprepared for such remark. It wasn't the right time for Jane to find anything to blame on her. She was already way too upset to see their daughter leave the house to start her adult life in another city.

"Whatever, Maura." Jane shook her head at her wife in disapproval. Maura had got used to her dramatic effects, Jane knew that it was all safe. Maura wouldn't take it badly. "You're a good girl, Lou-Mae Rizzoli-Isles: you don't drink, you don't smoke... Or at least you're smart enough to never get caught and I really hope it'll stay that way. Happy birthday, sweetie."

Jane raised her glass one more time and went to hug her daughter who was standing a couple of seats away from hers.

Lou had celebrated her birthday with her friends a few days ago. Today was the family celebration, with Jane and Maura's friends who had turned out to be relatives for their daughter as she had grown up seeing them around all the time. It was just an intimate lunch, a very last one.

"Happy birthday, Lou-Mae."

Maura followed Jane and went to kiss her daughter on both cheeks before giving into a hug.

This had to mean something: Jane and Lou were the only people Maura was always eager to take in her arms. The touch always soothed her. As a matter of fact, it had even turned into a sweet addiction.

...

"What is going to happen tomorrow? What is going to happen when we are going to drive back home from the airport?"

Maura rolled on a side in bed to face Jane. The family day celebrations had turned out to be a success but it also and irremediably carried them towards the inevitable. She wouldn't sleep well that night. She wouldn't sleep well at all.

Jane raised an eyebrow in surprise. It was the first time that Maura let her latent anxiety show over the fact Lou was leaving. She hadn't been as expressive as Jane on the matter until now.

"I don't know. The house's gonna be awfully quiet."

They didn't have any other child. How could life expect from them to turn the page over the last eighteen years so easily, so quickly?

Jane thought about Timothy. As a matter of fact, she had thought about him a lot lately since Lou had graduated from high school. It came by waves but his abstract presence never really left Jane completely.

"I should have suggested you another kind of pact."

Maura's remark got Jane rather confused. What was she talking about? It was late and they were both tired. Jane didn't have what it took to analyze her wife's statements.

"What do you mean?"

The pout that started playing on Maura's lips made Jane smile. She knew it very well. As a matter of fact, she knew every single move that Maura could make. They had got married eighteen years ago and had met almost twenty-five years ago. They had spent almost every single day together. Their bond had strengthened.

Maura slid a leg between Jane's and leaned her chin on her wife's shoulder.

"I should have asked you to marry me in order to adopt a dozen of children. Then we wouldn't be facing the imminent departure of our single daughter."

Jane burst out laughing. Maura rarely said such things. This over-protective reaction was a Rizzoli one. It sounded like a mix of Angela and Jane, certainly not an Isles remark.

"It's not too late to adopt another one."

Maura blinked. Had she heard Jane right? She passed on top of her wife and locked her eyes with Jane's dark ones before shaking her head. They had taken a couple of days off to make sure to spend every single minute left with their daughter. But what would happen then?

"You really want to start it all over again? The sleepless nights, the diapers, the teething... The adolescence? The boys bands, Jane. The boys bands!"

Alright.

Maura had a point, a very valid one. Perhaps it was time to celebrate the fact that they would have the house for themselves again. They would be able to listen to the music genre they liked, they wouldn't have to put up with weekend parties every since and then. The hammock would be theirs again too which basically hadn't happened since Lou's birth actually.

And yet. All these points were the exact reason why Jane had loved her life so much for the past eighteen years.

"Then maybe it's time for us to properly give it a try to surfing lessons. I refuse to die before I manage to stand on that damn board if only for five seconds. See? Here's a new life project. A great one, besides. Add that to our bucket list: I wanna be the next Kelly Slater."

They had just bought a summer house in Provincetown. Perhaps Jane's idea actually made sense once Maura got rid of the sarcasm in it. Spending some time at the beach might help them overcome the fact that their daughter was leaving.

They still had some time before thinking about retirement. As a matter of fact, they certainly didn't even want to talk about it yet. They loved their respective jobs too much for that.

"I suppose that life will simply go on."

Maura sat on top of Jane and stared at an invisible point in front of her. She was anxious before this new page of their life. She knew that her couple would do just fine – there wasn't any doubt about that – but it made her feel a bit old all of a sudden. Old and vulnerable.

"We'll go to New York soon. As Lou said, it's not super far." Feeling the uncertainty of Maura, Jane brought her hands to her wife's hips for a comforting caress. "We'll be okay."

A knock on the door of their bedroom interrupted them. Maura immediately sat back on her side of the bed and cleared her voice.

"Yes?"

Lou poked her head inside. Her big green eyes scanned the room rather timidly. She made a step inside and shrugged.

"I can't sleep."

She didn't need to add anything. Jane had already made some room for the young girl in bed between her and Maura. She would miss this little ritual, all these evenings they had spent – the three of them – talking about everything and nothing at the same time while lying in bed.

Lou was sweet and caring. She had never rejected them, not even when she had entered her teenage years.

The three of them cuddled together but didn't say a word. They didn't need to. The comfort brought by their embrace was powerful enough. Warm. Perfect.

A sweet ode to life.

To their life.

The End

 **Author's note: thank you very much for all your reviews and messages. I am glad to see that, one more time, you enjoyed following one of my stories. I will start a brand new one on Sunday.**


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